inneripadkid

Latest Posts by inneripadkid

DR

Oh my gosh. I just found this website that walks you though creating a believable society. It breaks each facet down into individual questions and makes it so simple! It seems really helpful for worldbuilding!

Funny

AU where in order to be able to secretly hang out with his favourite league bro, after he gets to Gotham Damian creates a second secret identity which is literally just him in a voice modulated motorcycle helmet so he can be Red Hood’s occasional sidekick without the bats knowing it’s him, except the issue is that Damian has a lot of ‘old man’ energy surrounding him. from his weirdly mature posture, his manner of speaking, to the odd knowledge he possesses that a child of his age should NOT have; when you can’t see any part of his head, theres pretty much nothing pointing towards the fact that he’s a little kid. this leads to Hood’s subordinates instantly assuming that Hood’s sidekick is not, infact, a child, but instead a very small man/somebody with some kind of dwarfism.

Jason honestly isn’t sure whether or not he should correct his men, because on one hand its kinda funny to watch Damian awkwardly interact with this group of people who clearly think he, like them, is some 30yr old geezer with a possible wife and kids at home, not to mention its a secret identity for a reason he doesn’t want to leak information for no reason-

but on the other hand they keep offering his kid brother beers and cigarettes. which.

Goon: hey man, you see the game last night? fucking wild.

Damian, spent last night letting Tim teach him how to play with Pokémon cards but doesn’t want to seem immature: …yes. i did, indeed, watch that game.

Goon 2: fucked up that that last play wasn’t called out; the bar practically rioted. hey you should come with us next week for the next game, let us buy you a beer or somthin. Hood tags along with us sometimes, should be fun!

Damian:

Jason, struggling not to laugh:

Damian:

Damian: i have prior engagements.

Goon 1: haha, let me guess, your s/o dont want you out late?

Damian:

Damian, leaning in to Jason to whisper: what… what is an ‘s/o’

Jason, coughing to cover laughter: they uh, they think you got a wife or a husband waiting for you at home.

Damian:

Damian, turning back to the goons: i… have no idea what to say right now.

Jason: *pats him on the shoulder* alright buddy, you go finish up the weapons shipment, dont worry.

Jason to the goons, after Damian leaves: recently divorced, sore subject.

the goons: *empathetic hums of understanding*

~

Goon: here man, have a drink to take home with ya *tries to pass Damian a bottle of whiskey*

Damian: um.

Damian: *slowly edging forward to hesitatingly take the bottle, for lack of knowing what else to do*

Jason, bellowing from across the warehouse: OI!

Damian: *freezes, bottle in hand*

Goon:

Damian:

Damian: *slowly, ashamed, passes the bottle back*

Jason: THATS WHAT I THOUGHT.

Goon: uhm…

~

Goon: hey, boss? why wont you let the new guy drink?

Jason:

Jason, doesn’t want to out Damian’s identity: he’s a recovering alcoholic. im his sponsor.

Goon:

~

Damian, on the way back to Jason’s apartment: Todd.

Jason: mm?

Damian: one of your men asked if i had any chiropractor reccomendations for back pain.

Jason: *bites lip*

Damian: how old do they think i AM?

Jason:

Jason: i may have implied somewhere in your fifties.

Damian:

Damian: WHY WOULD-

Jason: IT SEEMED FUNNY.

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The Amazing Digital COMIC TABLE OF CONTENTS

Post-Episode 1

#1-Caine explains shipping

#2-Pomni's mind swear loophole

#3-Smokin' Smarties(candy) with Zooble

#4-Jax's rag dolly

#5-Pomni thinks Ragatha's a princess

Post-Episode 2:

#6-Pomni's words at Kaufmo's funeral

#7-GummiPlushi

#8-ButtonBlossom's dynamic change

#9-Adjusting

#10-Extremely ticklish Pomni

#11-Overthinking

#12-Licorice Hair

#13-Fallen Over

#14- Ragatha's Spicy Dream

#15-Ant Watching

#16-Pomni Sees God

#17-Pomni Rizz

#18-RaGAYtha

#19-Reading a Book

#20-Poke

#21-Bullying

#22-Bullying Aftermath

#23-Caine's Back

#24-Ragatha's Hidden Need

#25-Jax the Autism Detector

#26-The Amazing Autistic Circus

#27-"I'm Sorry"

#28-Sleepover

#29-Gangle's Room

#30-Sleepover Shenanigans

#31-The Sillies

#32-Flirting(?)

Special #1-Night Time Anxiety(Attack)

Post-episode 3

#33- Spooky Month

#34- Pomni's Halloween Opinion

#35- Trick-Or-Treating

#36-Being Scary

#37-Stupid Holiday

#38-The Only Good Thing

#39-Holdin' Up

#40-"Why Even Bother?"

#41- Guinea Pig Squeaks

#42- Unholy Thoughts

#43-Prank Fail

#44-Ass Ahoy

#45-Belly Button

Post-Episode 4

Special #2-Secret Santa Super Surprise

#46-Stupid Sause Aftermath

#47-Puzzling

#48-Bug-Eyed Freak

#49-Pretend

#50-Family

Format-(This is for me, Specifically):

The Amazing Digital COMIC #-

[❤PREV]||[🧡START🧡]||[NEXT💙]|| Full Comic🎪||☕Ko-Fi /BuyMeaCoffee🍩

Because Double Life has been so mythologized in fandom over the past few years and a lot of us don't fully remember all the details of what actually happened between Scott and Pearl, or didn't watch their povs and only know about what happened through incomplete/vague fandom osmosis, I spent all of today binge watching both Scott and Pearl's Double Life seasons and took notes on the full history of the relationship between Scott and Pearl in Double Life and all of their major interactions.

This is going to be a really really long post since I'm summarizing almost every relevant mention of or interaction between these two in either perspective for the entire series, so I'm leaving all of this under a cut:

I will be trying to keep my points in chronological order, though it's sometimes hard to sync up events between two povs, so forgive me if anything is slightly out of order.

EPISODE ONE:

For the early parts of both of their episodes, neither Scott nor Pearl really engage with the idea of their soulmates much at all. they both express wanting to stay safe for their soulmate's sake and apologize when they take damage, but generally don't seem to have soulmates on the mind all that much, both doing their own thing. Pearl largely continues this for her entire episode up until actually finding Scott at the end, so my episode one notes are mostly Scott notes with occasional supplemental notes to add context from Pearl's pov for what's going on with her at any given time.

Scott's episode, Pearl takes 2.5 hearts of damage, which seems to freak Scott out a bit. "Oh god, we just took three hearts of damage, please stop that! I don't know what you're doing, but undo it". This is seemingly the first time Pearl takes significant damage, and Scott doesn't seem to feel especially comfortable with it.

Scott meets up with Cleo for the first time, they almost immediately piece together that Martyn and Pearl have to be their soulmates because every other pairing had already found each other.

Pearl and Martyn get the achievement for going into the deep dark in chat. Scott expresses concern over their soulmates recklessness, and Cleo suggests "We should form an alliance against them". They don't immediately commit to the idea and partially treat it as a joke. (supplemental note: that pearl and martyn didn't actually go into the deep dark, and that pearl specifically refuses because she doesn't want to get her soulmate killed, though obviously scott and cleo had no way of knowing this)

After leaving a conversation with Jimmy and Tango, Scott says; "Honestly, Cleo, do we need soulmates? What if we just become soulmates? We just go against the grain? Everyone else is with their soulmates and we're just like 'no, this is us'?" which is approached much less jokingly.

Scott and Cleo start planning to build homes together around a ravine, making plans as a duo and largely not thinking about their soulmates or incorporating them into the plans.

Pearl takes very minimal damage. Scott voices this, "Oww, whoever my soulmate is just took damage", to which Cleo responds "Of course they did" with a note of bitterness that Scott doesn't seem to disagree with. Shortly after Martyn takes damage too, which concerns Scott briefly before he remembers their soulmate. None of this is major, but it establishes a precedent that, at this point, their soulmates are solidly established a mostly faceless source of anxiety and frustration in their minds.

Scott turns to the camera and says; "Guys, sometimes you need to take life into your own hands, whether that's through work, or friends, or love, and you find your own soulmates, and you make them friends, and you live in really cute houses across from each other"

Cleo rushes to Scott and yells that Martyn and Pearl have gone into the nether. Scott replies "It's only a matter of time before one of us explodes", and Cleo adds an outraged "How dare they?!". Scott and Cleo perceive this as incredibly reckless and it seems to further their view of their soulmates as a source of anxiety and frustration rather than teammates, as well as the idea that their soulmates don't care about them enough to stay out of danger.

Martyn and Pearl are taking fire damage. Scott yells "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god", immediately running to Cleo and throwing them food. "What the heck?!" Cleo laughs with immense anxiety, to which Scott, with mild frustration, notes "They've gone into a fortress for some reason", and Cleo replies with another mildly bitter "Of course they have". (supplemental note: entering the fortress was Martyn's idea, and Pearl repeatedly expressed immense doubts about it; "I don't like any part of this, this is why I didn't want to come in here", though she does still go along with going through the fortress in the end, even knowing- as she comments on- how much it was probably panicking her soulmate.)

Pearl starts taking fire damage, taking half of their health, and then takes another heart or two of damage a few moments later. This upsets Scott: "Ow, ow, ow, ow- whoevers taking fire damage please stop- ow, ow- stop it!"

Scott and Cleo talk to Jimmy, who is weirdly aggressive about them living together despite not being real soulmates. Cleo and Scott inform Jimmy that their soulmates are in the nether and that they don't know who is who yet, before Scott adds; "We have been on the surface the entire time, we have met every single other person, we have put ourselves out there, we made ourselves vulnerable, AND THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP!"

All four members of the Divorce Quartet finally meet up. Martyn tries to put on a game to find their soulmates, but they find out who their soulmates are very quickly. Then the Argument starts. Scott begins with, "This is what happens when you two don't come onto the surface or look for anyone, we meet every other person who's soulbound and we kinda put the dots together. So you know what? Me and Cleo are actually soulbound to ourselves, we've decided. We put ourselves out there all day, we were ready to meet people, we were vulnerable, and then you two were just off together in the nether doing your own thing. And you kept BURNING!". Pearl counters that Scott has taken damage too, but Scott points out that he hasn't taken nearly as much as Pearl, which she concedes, saying "I know". Pearl doesn't seem to want to fight, asking "What are we doing?", but Cleo and Martyn are getting Violent in their own argument and Cleo decides she and Scott are going to leave, which Scott agrees to. Pearl is upset, asking "Are we not going to gaslight gatekeep girlboss?" but Scott expresses feeling like Pearl abandoned him. Pearl blames Martyn, explaining that "I was just following Martyn", but Martyn announces that Pearl wasn't unreluctant and Cleo snaps that Pearl knew her soulmate was out there and chose to go with Martyn to the nether anyways. Scott and Cleo storm off.

After Scott leaves, Pearl seems devastated. "Everybody else is with their soulbounds and ours think we've abandoned them or something…I feel like my heart's kinda broken, I'm not gonna lie". And then Martyn, to add insult to injury, tells Pearl "I blame you for this" and leaves her too. "Well. Okay. That's..that's my season." Pearl says, sounding miserable, before closing her episode.

EPISODE TWO:

Pearl opens the episode by talking again about how upset she is about the previous episode. "My heart is broken, I got broken up with like two or three times last session, I don't remember, but you know what? I'm a little bit battered, I'm a little bit torn, and I'm a little bit sad."

Scott and Cleo decide to axe crit each other to scare their soulmates. The idea was that as long as their health is high they'll regen quickly enough that it won't do any real harm but that it will scare their soulmates, which Cleo and Scott see as equivalent to what Martyn and Pearl put them through in the previous episode. (obviously pearl has no idea this was done on purpose and from her perspective brushes it off as scott accidentally taking damage)

Pearl seems to have changed her mind about accepting any blame for taking damage in the previous episode, saying "I was good the whole time, we got pork chops, I was healing, I even apologized for taking damage! I don't feel so bad anymore! I think today I'm not going to be as careful!". While she doesn't outright say it, Pearl seems to be implying that she plans to take damage to punish Scott, which is confirmed for me as Pearl zooms in on herself and says in a purposefully 'creepy' tone "This is Pearl now. You've done this, Scott. This is what happens when you don't want to be on the side of me! You know I looked after you last season, you know I could do it this season, but you didn't trust in me! And now this is the state that we're in". So Scott and Pearl have both independently, at almost the exact same time, without being aware the other is also doing this, decided to hurt themselves on purpose to hurt the other.

Scott asks Pearl for a bucket, and she happily agrees to give it to him for free "If you help me mess with Scott". Shortly after, they use a bucket of powdered snow to "torture" their soulmates. Pearl "tortures" (as she describes it) Scott for a little bit over a minute before Scott, on his end, has the realization that this is intentional damage and throws himself out of a tree, taking a chunk of damage to scare Pearl so she'll stop hurting him. This successfully freaks Pearl out and she stops when Scott takes significant enough damage, since she doesn't want them to die, but she fully plans to do it again later on.

BigB tries to 'console' Scott by 'reassuring' him that there's "still hope" for Scott to be with his real soulmate, to which Scott snaps "I like Cleo. I don't need a soulmate, I pick my own destiny!"

Cleo axe crits Scott again to get back at Pearl for the powdered snow.

Scar comes by to offer Scott some powdered snow, so Scott stands in it, knowing Pearl did the same thing earlier. Once Pearl figures out what's going on, she decides to stand in powdered snow again as well, getting revenge for his revenge. When Scott sees Pearl in the treeline, he goes to talk to her. Pearl yells at Scott that her heart is broken because he abandoned her, to which Scott bitterly replies that "Now you know how it feels!", though Scott does stop, calm down, and give her his condolences when he finds out Pearl's dog died. They then proceed to have a pretty calm conversation for a minute until they start arguing over how much damage the other had been taking that episode, at which point they do both admit to hurting the other on purpose. Pearl threatens to stand in powdered snow again, and Scott challenges her to put it down, so they both stand in powdered snow together. They then start talking about the previous session. Scott reminds Pearl how much fire damage she took, but Pearl insists she had it handled and that Scott should have trusted her, to which Scott points out that he didn't even know which of Pearl and Martyn were his soulmate until the end of the episode, so he couldn't have known to just 'trust her'. Pearl snaps that Scott could have trusted her AFTER finding out they were soulmates, but Scott says that he and Cleo already bonded and formed a partnership, to which Pearl points out Scott can form bonds with more people, and Scott replies surprisingly positively, saying it'll take time instead of shutting that down outright.

Scott accidentally misspeaks when referring to his and Cleo's base, accidentally calling it his and Pearl's base instead, to which Pearl decides to move in since Scott 'said' it was hers. Pearl runs across the clearing to Scott's base while Scott objects. Scott tells Cleo that Pearl's forcibly trying to move in, and Cleo threatens Pearl. Pearl replies that "Scott said it's our base, so he's already kicked you out" and refuses to listen when Scott insists he obviously meant it's his base with Cleo. Scott calls Pearl a crazy ex and Pearl snaps that she never wanted to be Scott's soulmate, to which Scott asks why she's making a big deal of it, and Pearl responds that it's fun to bother him. Pearl then leaves and dejectedly comments on how they don't want her. Ren says he has something for Pearl, but Pearl mistakes the message as being from Scott, so she heads back to Scott's base. Scott calls her obsessive and points her in the direction of Ren's base instead, then proceeding to go vent to Joel, Scar, and Martyn about everything that had happened with Pearl in the episode.

Pearl stands in powdered snow again while explaining to Ren that she likes to hurt Scott sometimes. Pearl also tells Ren she'd happily kill Scott if Ren wants her to if Ren gives her a dog first.

After getting Tilly back and recovering from her earlier grief, Pearl decides that she was overreacting and "got a little bit crazy", and that she needs to calm down. Pearl expresses having mixed feelings. First she says Scott deserved it, so she "doesn't feel bad", but then she quickly acknowledges that okay, yeah, she does feel bad, and that she feels like she might have been lashing out because of both exhaustion and the grief of losing Tilly.

Joel comes to Pearl and says he's heard she's been intimating Scott, to which Pearl immediately confirms that she has been intimidating Scott and stands in powdered snow to illustrate.

EPISODE THREE:

Pearl makes a side comment about how she "Maybe wants to see Scott die"

Scott and Cleo do their daily axe crits

While in the deep dark risking their lives, Pearl acknowledges that she doesn't want to kill Scott, though she amends that to "Well, I do, but I don't". Multiple times while in the deep dark, Pearl mentions how she's sure she's scaring Scott, and always makes a point of saying she isn't sorry, but then once she makes it out a live she implies she kept herself safe for Scott's sake to some degree; "You know I care enough, Scott!"

Scott and Cleo run into Pearl. They let Pearl know that Scar and Grian were framing her by claiming Pearl is the one with the sugarcane on the server and are very amicable, though Pearl does make a jab about how Cleo and Scott don't want to be her friends.

Scott is attacked by mobs at night and Pearl finds him. She immediately makes a jab about how he's taking too much damage and asks if he doesn't value their lives. Scott does acknowledge that he should have waited until day, and Pearl helps protect him from the mobs. Scott comments that Pearl has one up on Martyn as far as being a good soulmate goes because Martyn pushed Cleo off a cliff, and Pearl laughs that at least she's trying to protect her soulmate. Pearl jokingly threatens to kill Cleo, Scott tells her she has issues, and Pearl points out that, of course she has issues, everyone's abandoned her. Scott pauses the conversation specifically to tell Pearl that her tower is so pretty, which surprises Pearl, but Scott jokes that he can be nice when she's not unhinged. Pearl replies that it doesn't matter if she's not unhinged, she tried being nice to Ren and BigB and they still cast her out. Overall the interaction was largely amicable despite the occasional jabs.

Pearl decides she's going to live on the bridge between Scott and Cleo's bases. They come and object to Pearl building on their bridge, but Pearl just tauntingly asks if she's "getting between them". Scott takes the disc from Pearl's jukebox and Pearl attacks Scott, hitting him multiple times with her axe and saying she doesn't care if they die, at which point Cleo steps in and threatens Tilly. Pearl pushes Scott off the bridge and then she's pushed off after him. Cleo burns Pearl's bridge house while Pearl's away so Pearl gives up on building there.

EPISODE FOUR:

Cleo lets Scott know that they gave Pearl permission to move in and live on their bridge, which Scott seems happy enough to agree with, suggesting Pearl could maybe build something hanging under the bridge. They also don't do the axe crit this episode.

When Scar makes a comment about his soulmate baking bread for someone else, Pearl sympathizes, saying her soulmate is doing the same thing.

Pearl signs up for Grian's powdered snow game and, when the prize pool turned out to be awful, Pearl comments that "The real reward here is torturing Scott, I'm happy with that". While competing against Cleo to see who can stay in the powdered snow the longest, Pearl announces "Come on Scott, I believe in you!" before backtracking and saying she doesn't actually believe in him (pearl does this often where she will instinctively speak positively of scott- worrying about their shared health for his sake, expressing regret for hurting him, saying she believes in him- and then backtrack). Meanwhile Scott and Martyn are back at Scott's base and, when they both start taking damage, immediately decide to also stand in powdered snow together because they think Pearl and Cleo are doing it to hurt them and want to hurt them back. So the entire divorce quartet were just standing in powdered snow at the same time.

Pearl walks right up to Scott, towers up a bunch, and jumps off the ledge, bringing them down to half a heart. Scott tried to put down water but was too slow. Pearl then encouraged Grian to hook her with his fishing rod and pull her up the tower with it, causing Scott to panic, repeatedly yelling "I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here" and telling Grian not to do it. The first time Grian pulls Pearl up, she loses four hearts. Scott yells at Grian to stop again and threatens to shoot him, but eventually gives up and says he's accepted his fate and won't watch anymore, to which Pearl gleefully replies "You're gonna die, Scott!". They hook people in a chain, and this time Pearl loses seven hearts on the fall. Pearl incorrectly tells the others she only lost five hearts, and while Scott loudly corrects her, the others don't seem to pay that much mind and Etho joins the chain. Pearl goes down to three and a half hearts and Joel and Etho both die, at which point Pearl steals Joel and Etho's stuff and refuses to give them back. She tries to give it back last minute, but Joel and Etho kill her, leading to Pearl and Scott's first death.

Immediately after they both die and Scott goes back to his home, Pearl stands in some powdered snow, and then has Bdubs hit her with an axe repeatedly, two normal hits and one crit. Scott is very upset by this and comments that when he gets to red he'll just off himself.

EPISODE FIVE:

Scott and Cleo do their axe crits.

Upon finding out a red alliance is forming, Scott and Cleo dejectedly decide they have to team up with Martyn and Pearl. Scott, Cleo, and Martyn head to Pearl's tower, and as soon as they get to the top, Scott compliments Pearl on how pretty it is, and then they suggest a team up to deal with the newly formed red army. Pearl is standoffish initially, instinctively reading insults into Martyn's words and questioning how she can trust them, especially Martyn (who she saw sneaking around her base earlier). Martyn and Pearl start to argue about her base setup, but Scott cuts in to praise how Pearl's base is the most defensible location on the server which seems to ease tensions. The four fall into an amicable enough teamup and start planning together. They largely work seamlessly together, though there is the occasional jab from Pearl specifically, who makes a point of putting audible air quotes around calling the others her 'friends' and telling Ren "You can shoot the other guys, I don't mind". But other than the occasional jab, there are a lot of fun team shenanigans and they're very functional.

Pearl splits up from the group to go back to her tower, and as soon as she gets home, Scar and Grian (currently the most wanted people on the server) invite themselves in and seek protection from her. Scar offers Pearl a cactus and she stands on it, taking damage and freaking Scott off, who is briefly afraid they'll die until Pearl stops. Scott makes his way back to the tower and is immediately upset; "Are you harboring refugees, Pearl?! We can't have them here! You're putting a target on our back!". Grian keeps standing in the windows even with the reds nearby and Scott gets incredibly anxious about it, yelling at Grian to stay away from the windows, and scolding Pearl to put her armor on, seeming very on edge. The two bicker a bit, especially when Scott finds out the reason they took so much damage is because she was purposefully standing on cactus. They get back to being a relatively functional team once Grian and Scar leave, though.

Scott and Pearl breed their dogs together and it's a very amicable interaction once again. Pearl coos over the puppy and then they make some plans together without arguing. Pearl considers pushing Scott off the tower (harmlessly) as a joke but doesn't as Scott heads out again.

Scott and Pearl both attend the 'funeral' for Jimmy and Tango and while they don't have many direct interactions, they do have a very friendly group interaction, laughing together with the rest of the group without any real tension or jabs. Scott also once again comments on how good Pearl's base is, pointing out that she's the only one on the server who didn't make a flammable base.

When Cleo asks if they should care about the Relation Ship burning down, Pearl replies "Of course not, that's not in our alliance". Scott and Cleo both take note of this, and Scott asks "What is our alliance?" with Cleo almost simultaneously asking "we're an alliance now?". Pearl immediately responds defensively, interpreting their reactions as rejection. She immediately replies that they're not an alliance and adds "Okay I guess I don't have any friends then! Bye!" and walking away. Scott and Cleo follow her and say they do have an alliance but they just also thought Pearl had other alliances, at which point she insists she does have other alliances and decides to leave Scott and Cleo as they go to deal with their burning bases.

Scott and Cleo come by Pearl's tower again later shortly and immediately help her fix up the damage done by a trap that had detonated inside, and they have another mostly friendly casual conversation catching each other up on what happened while they were split up before the episode ends.

EPISODE SIX:

In the intro of Pearl's episode, she seems surprised but not necessarily unhappy with her current alliance; "Last episode we left off in this tower right here in an alliance with Martyn, Cleo, and Scott- hm. Yes, that happened."

Scott and Pearl have a cute little interaction where Scott bursts into the tower and cheerfully yells "Boo!" to which Pearl exaggeratedly replies "So scary! Oh my gosh!" to humor him and they both giggle. Scott also briefly coos over how cute Tilly and her babies are, which Pearl is more than happy to join in with. Cleo asks whose gonna die first and Pearl immediately replies "I'm gonna die first, sorry, Scott, no Cleo death" and Scott made a comment about how that would be two of their lives Pearl loses. Pearl responds with an indignant "Hey!" and points out that Scott could die first, but Scott replies that he's not the one who aggravates people, and Pearl grumbles "Yeah, whatever". Despite the brief jabs, Pearl doesn't seem too offended, and they're all getting along rather well and they make a plan to snoop into the red army's business.

During the red life meeting, Pearl tells the red names that they can kill Scott and she'll be fine with it as long as they don't do it through her, though Pearl isn't forthcoming at all when pressed for information about where Scott actually is and doesn't agree to lead him into a trap when asked.

Once the group meets back up they're very friendly again. They all laugh together as they recount what happened while they were split up, and then the red names attack. Joel yells at Scott for burning the ship, but Pearl actually jumps in to shoot back with "Rightfully so from the sound of it! Well deserved! Go Scott!". Scott and Pearl run toward the box and giggle about how it looks, and then Scott stops and calls for Pearl when she lags behind. Scott is surprisingly focused on where Pearl is and whether she's in active danger, making sure she has resources and knows the plan and pouring water for her to climb, waiting for her to get up before moving on.

Pearl asks Scott if he has a secret base, and he tells her yes honestly without hesitation. They agree to go to the bunker recoup for the time being. Pearl accidentally pushes Scott down the ladder but instead of it causing an argument Scott just laughs and tells Pearl about how he caught himself on the ladder. Scott feeds Pearl's dogs to heal them once they're settled in the bunker, and Pearl is thrilled.

There's a surprising lack of arguments. They come up with a plan easily and don't bicker about it. At one point Pearl accidentally loudly blows a goat horn while they're trying to be sneaky and instead of anyone scolding her or being bitter about it Scott just urgently tells her to come over to where the rest of them were. Pearl sets off a shrieker while they're in the deep dark and while Scott snaps "Pearl!" it sounds playful and they both laugh before going back to work.

Scott and Pearl separate from the others and end up having a Talk. Pearl opens with "You know what Scott? It might have been hard to forgive you at the start of the season for just abandoning me like that, but you know what? You're a pretty good partner, you know?" to which Scott replies, "…Thank you…I mean, we tested it last time and it worked well, it was just, you hurt my feelings when you went away with Martyn and then me and Cleo looked for you for ages and then we couldn't find you and I was sad", and Pearl counters with "How about the reverse? You ran off with Cleo from my perspective, we both just paired up with whoever was nearby." and Scott replies that "Well we ran into everyone else, we were actually looking for our soulmates." at which point they run back into Cleo and Martyn and the conversation dies before they can really sort through things (also there's something to be said for the conversation starting with accusatory language that's not conducive to a productive talk, but i digress). They at least managed to talk about it calmly without blowing up.

Martyn and Scott are being silly and Pearl and Cleo are giggling. Pearl playfully bemoans "This is who we're teamed with". Notable both for the mundanely positive interaction and for the casual confident acknowledgement of them as a team.

Pearl wants to go check her tower to see what's left in it after the red names attack, and Scott actually volunteers to go with her, asking if Cleo's willing to stay with Martyn while he and Pearl check the tower. Scott and Pearl have another very successful adventure together where they don't argue at all or even make any bitter jabs, just working together well and laughing together as they mess with the red names. While chasing them Joel asks if they've made up and they both very unconvincingly reply "Noo" in a tone that is very much an implied yes. Eventually they get split up and Scott is killed. Pearl gladly declares that they're even now, and Scott doesn't complain.

Scott and Pearl head back to the bunker, at which point..Pearl points out that the other red names don't seem to like Scott much. "They weren't going after me that entire time, I just feel like..maybe I should take the bigger stance here, y'know? I mean you're a great partner and all, but.." at which point Scott realizes and immediately, deeply upset, asks "Are you gonna ditch me after this?!" and Pearl, well.."Scott, come on, look how big that group is! It's just..look, don't make me feel bad, okay? It's my time to ditch you after the first episode, think of it as karma!" which launches another argument about the first episode, about how from Scott's perspective, Pearl was the one who abandoned him first by not being there for the first episode, so from his perspective, this is all full circle! Pearl points out that they did try to find their soulmate with the little minigame, but Scott shoots back that that was AFTER everyone else was already "loved and doved up" and HAD their soulmates! Pearl switches to arguing that Martyn would have died without her- and Cleo too for that matter!- so really Scott should be appreciative of her for saving Cleo. Scott just completely stops and dully replies "Right." before adding "Lets get out of here.", though Pearl immediately reminds him there's no "lets" about it. As they leave, Pearl switches to arguing that she's trying to keep them BOTH alive in a way by joining the bigger group and asks why Scott would go back to the yellows, to which Scott replies, sounding a bit pained, that he can't betray Cleo. Pearl tells Scott to just think of Pearl joining the bigger group as a "strategic advantage" and Scott is silent for a LONG moment before very quietly agreeing. Before they split up, Scott says "The moments we got to spend together were nice while they lasted", and Pearl returns the sentiment, and then they come up with "Tilly death do us part" as their goodbye for the scene.

After Pearl's alliance with the red group fell through, Pearl went back to Scott, Martyn, and Cleo and is accepted back immediately, the group going right back to planning together like nothing happened, and they hunt Impulse and Bdubs together without much more discussion.

And then the final scene in the season. Scott and Pearl are the final two left. "I honestly didn't have a lot of faith in us, but I had faith in me and Tilly." Pearl says. "Pearl, you deserve this more, Scott replies, and light a tnt under his feet. "Tilly death do us part," Scott says, and Pearl yells his name as they blow up. "Scott! Oh no- what- Scott?! Did he just sacrifice himself?! For me?!? We were the last ones left..Scott..I guess I forgive you after all".

It really is kinda awful how many job listings will just straight up lie to you about what you "need" to be able to do to screen out disabled applicants. Like fucking Safeway will be looking for a cashier and the listing is like "you ABSOLUTELY MUST be able to stand for 8+ hours a day, NO exceptions" as if you can't do everything required to run the check out line sitting down. Old Navy is like "you must be able to understand body language and facial expressions and make eye contact" like sorry dude I think autistic people can sell t-shirts just fine without doing all that, like honestly what the hell does understanding facial expressions have to do with telling someone where the clearance section is. Don't really think the customers at TJ Max are going to go full Purge mode if one employee can only perform a task requiring fine motor skills 15 times a minute instead of 30, like idk maybe you don't need the lines to move thst fast actually. Maybe everyone can chill out and wait a second. I think the people at Starbucks will be okay if the barista isn't great at multitasking and can't make small talk with every single customer while also running the drive through and making 15 different drinks.

It's such horseshit, none of these job require these things but they can just lie and say they do and disabled people will clear out because we know it's just a big neon sign saying "crippled freaks need not apply", even if that sentence is followed by some fake ass fluff about you being an equal opportunity employer. Like you would not be insisting your underpaid cashiers be able to "make eye contact and understand body language" if you cared about not discriminating against disabled people, that wording specifically is straight out of the DSM-5, what you're doing is fucking obvious and pure goddam evil.

The best part too is then you get denied for SSI benefits because you "can" work, they don't actually care that every single job listing is tailor made to tell us to fuck right off. The potential to be able to work and actually being able to be hired are too different things entirely but sure. I can work. If I find an employer that doesn't care that I'm in a wheelchair and can't make eye contact or life heavy objects or that I need to only work 4 hours a day so I still have the energy to take care of myself outside of work and also have to take 10 days a month off for doctor's appointments and unpredictable health flares. And also crucially does NOT require a fucking degree or drivers license. Find me a job like that that and I'd be overjoyed to work.

But trust me, jobs that can accommodate me simply do not fucking exist, and unfortunately for all of us that is very much by design.

Read

part 1

(don-trauma obviously inspired by this btw)

welcome welcome, please read the content warnings (lll￢▽￢) ahahahhaaa

index | → (tw: kidnapping, needles, guns)

Ao3 version

What tumblr authors for diaper stories do you recommend?

That's an excellent question! Reading stories is a big part of why I write ABDL stories and captions. I also draw a lot of inspiration from the many other talented people in this community.

Below, you'll find a list without any specific order. I'm also 100% certain that I've forgotten many great writers and storytellers. @personalias

@all4thedips

@just4n0th3rus3r (mostly on Deviantart)

@thecradlequill

@junipercommunes

@destinedfordiapers

@welcome-to-alteredstates

@something-misremembered

@omnomnomdomcaps

@the-bunni-story-corner

@mellowsadistic

@curiouslittletoddler

@akumialice

@drdaddy19

@diapergirlstories

@regressionrevolution

@babywriter

@paddedlittleparadise

@brattyprettysub2 I really love a few works that are outside of tumlbr that i just have to mention: I adore Babystars Comics over at [link]

Princesspottypants is a big part of why I love captions [link]

And PieceofSoaps games are out of this world [link] Below you'll find a few stories/captions linked that I really enjoyed reading. They Grow Up so Quickly

Playground Rivalry

It’s the third day that usually breaks them.

You'll smell the difference

Huggies Playmates

the playground

Little Space, Big Mess

We all have bad days!

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

Boredom

i think the near-extinction of people making fun, deep and/or unique interactive text-based browser games, projects and stories is catastrophic to the internet. i'm talking pre-itch.io era, nothing against it.

there are a lot of fun ones listed here and here but for the most part, they were made years ago and are now a dying breed. i get why. there's no money in it. factoring in the cost of web hosting and servers, it probably costs money. it's just sad that it's a dying art form.

anyway, here's some of my favorite browser-based interactive projects and games, if you're into that kind of thing. 90% of them are on the lists that i linked above.

A Better World - create an alternate history timeline

Alter Ego - abandonware birth-to-death life simulator game

Seedship - text-based game about colonizing a new planet

Sandboxels or ThisIsSand - free-falling sand physics games

Little Alchemy 2 - combine various elements to make new ones

Infinite Craft - kind of the same as Little Alchemy

ZenGM - simulate sports

Tamajoji - browser-based tamagotchi

IFDB - interactive fiction database (text adventure games)

Written Realms - more text adventure games with a user interface

The Cafe & Diner - mystery game

The New Campaign Trail - US presidential campaign game

Money Simulator - simulate financial decisions

Genesis - text-based adventure/fantasy game

Level 13 - text-based science fiction adventure game

Miniconomy - player driven economy game

Checkbox Olympics - games involving clicking checkboxes

BrantSteele.net - game show and Hunger Games simulators

Murder Games - fight to the death simulator by Orteil

Cookie Clicker - different but felt weird not including it. by Orteil.

if you're ever thinking about making a niche project that only a select number of individuals will be nerdy enough to enjoy, keep in mind i've been playing some of these games off and on for 20~ years (Alter Ego, for example). quite literally a lifetime of replayability.

Chores

7 omorashi challenges to make certain chores more fun

1. Before you go to the grocery store, drink a lot of water. You’re not allowed to pee until you get back home.

2. Wait to clean the bathroom until you’re super desperate.

3. Make a list of all the chores you have to do and drink a glass of water after each one is done.

4. Wash your dishes in warm water while desperate.

5. Drink a lot of water before putting your laundry in. You’re not allowed to pee until all of it is done and put away.

6. Clean while desperate and instead of listening to music listen to water noises.

7. Before your morning pee, you have to make your bed perfectly.

Can't stop thinking of the scenario where y/n leaves the Pizzaplex feeling like Sun honestly wanted them gone, and Sun becomes obsessed with finding them and also leads a robot apocalypse. What would happen if y/n caught wind that Sun is looking specifically for them and seeing all that has happened with the robots takes that as "Oh no, I thought he tolerated me but turns out he dislikes me so much he personally wants to get rid of me himself" so they try extra hard to go into hiding out of fear of what will happen if they're captured and taken to him?

ohhh my goddd nonnie u are so big brained!!!!!!! thank u for sending this in bc honestly i have also been thinking about this au for a while LMAO. if i was strong enough i would write a 50k fic spliced into two arcs (im thinking about it so hard u have no idea!!!!!!) for this but alas.... /stares at my incomplete wips/ i am not </3

(added in from future shay: what have u done nonnie this became so much longer than i'd intended, u basically get the whole fic outline here. cw for death and murder n stuff, typical fnaf. also spoilers for a fic i may or may not write?? like. this is me brainstorming and shoving all my ideas here lol. literally all of them)

okay so... let us set the stage a little bc i can't help myself. arc1 of this hypothetical fic would of course involve the pizzaplex where reader and sun get "closer" over the course of like a year. maybe more. well sun feels close to you. you, on the other hand, do not. why would you? this robot has been so passive aggressive with you and though it seems like he's nice enough to you (in comparison to the other humans), you really don't like how he treats you some days. what he says about humanity as a whole. you can't help it! yeah humanity sucks sometimes and robots were built to be everything that humans aren't, but he can't generalize in the way that he does at times and forget that these are people!! with feelings and ambitions and dreams! 'superiority complex' doesn't even begin to cover his issues, gahh!!

(the fact that he's been treated like absolute shit, working in the daycare does not help whatsoever. the mean parents, the kids who don't listen to him, the staff tht does the bare minimum on him in terms of maintenance because he's the daycare robot and not one of the glamrocks. it grinds his gears)

i imagine the reader in this fic believes that robots are indeed sentient, which is why you try to get sun to recognize and acknowledge his own emotions/feelings (which he vehemently denies, even tho there are literal riots happening worldwide regarding robot sentience. he's lying to you. you know he's lying to you. but you don't know why he denies it so much. ((maybe this is the point where he catches feels for reader and is denying the fact tht he's crushing on a human lol)). the government is not happy about these uprisings, of course, and every day the news shows more and more chaos unfolding as robots get tired of the conditions they are in). but eventually, things boil over and you end up leaving. that, and it's becoming more dangerous, living in this area, with everything going on. maybe your parents are trying to convince you to move elsewhere. maybe there are other external circumstances. in any case, you leave. there is nothing at the pizzaplex for you anymore, sun has made that clear.

(and moon... well, moon has been quiet lately. too quiet. you don't know what happened to him, he won't even look at you when you manage to get some time with him when the lights go out after your shift)

((i imagine this is maybe around when they get infected. that makes everything even more complicated. if you thought sun was obsessive before, then that's nothing compared to a glitched out sun unforch. it just amplifies the more questionable aspects of his entire personality. and like, he doesn't even have vanny/afton commanding him bc as soon as he gets the virus? he kills both of them))

(((also im imagining moon and sun don't really get along in this au bc they have differing ideals/views. like to balance out sun's unhingedness, moon is significantly quieter and softer and deffo does not believe in robot superiority lol. if anything, maybe he has an inferiority complex pfft poor guy. doesn't help when he gets glitchtrap'd and wakes up with blood on his hands)))

okay so you leave, right? and a few weeks later, you see the news on your phone--the pizzaplex has burned down. you don't know how to feel about it. sure you've been friendly to the glamrocks and stuff, but you find yourself thinking about sun and moon. there's a mention of one death--a blond woman, who died from her neck snapping before the flames could reach her. you don't want to think of the implications of that. there's no mention of the glamrocks--of sun or moon or the dj. you're not sure if the news anchors are just excluding robots, but either way, it makes your heart sink. you take a moment to mourn. bc at the end of the day.... you did know sun for over a year.

not even a few days after that, there is a robot uprising in your city. it's... bad. you're at home, watching the news with your apartment half in shambles from your plan on moving back home with your parents. in my head, since utah is home to fazco (a megacorporation with hands in the development of a LOT of the robots seen in society), it also means it's a hotspot for robot riots and the like. fazco vehemently denies robot sentience because it would mean a loss of money in acknowledging their workers are people yk how it is. as such, there are maany protests and riots and stuff, from both humans and robots. it's a shitshow.

ANYWAYS you're at home and it becomes evidently clear that you need to get out of dodge as soon as you can. they were killing people. the robots, built by human hands, were killing. it brings about absolute chaos. in prior riots/protests there were never deaths. injuries, maybe, but never deaths. people start evacuating like crazy.

you catch a glimpse on the news that the violent uprising in utah caused a chainlink reaction to extend all across the nation. maybe even the world. you're scrambling all over your apartment with the tv on the news, doing your best to pack up the essentials. there's live coverage on the tv from a helicopter somewhere not far from your apartment complex. and you're able to catch a glimpse of bright rays and a cheshire, white smile on the screen--leading what looks like an army of robots--before it cuts out.

you don't even know what to think. the image is seared into your eyes, the blood that painted yellow hands and a crescent face.

you get the hell out of your apartment and book it as far as you can. communications are down everywhere--the thing about robots? they know exactly where to hit humans to cause a catastrophe. as such, your phone is useless. they've hijacked the satellites and took down certain powergrids. having a phone on you would only be a detriment, so you ditch it. there's only you now. you must survive.

and then there's a bit of a time skip to start arc2. in this duration, you're long gone from that city in utah, living with a small survival group. if you've read my summer camp au fic, this is where i'll bring in "OCs" such as vincent (a play on 2015 vincent) and jeremy (fitzgerald or the VR guy tht used to work for fazco), maybe michael if i really wanna au fudge everything. you all live day by day, trying to run away from the robots.

at this point, a majority of humanity has either been killed or has gone into hiding. i think while the robots don't want to eradicate humanity completely (after all, there are certain tasks that need humans n such), they definitely want to make them a minority. they are a little more than halfway through their goal.

it's very difficult to evade robot surveillance. there are drones everywhere. all cameras are hijacked. i'm imagining a kind of cyberpunk type world. you have EMPs and tasers that you can use to disable electronics, but they're made from scraps you and your group scavenged. and upon immediately using one, all robots in the area are informed of your presence, so they can only be used in rare and desperate circumstances. they are all connected to the same network, which means they can have a hive mind, at times. life is scary, in this regard. big brother is watching.

you've heard rumors of a human base underground somewhere--a place safe from robots with the proper defenses. accepting to any and all. the only tough thing was finding the damn place, but you've seen the clues in graffiti and hidden messages designed to trick AI (think: captcha). you and your group just wants to get to that damn base and stop living in fear all the time, being out in the open or crawling as stealthily as you can through empty streets.

the one thing sun used to emphasize to you? the way robots are more efficient. and that they are. you see it in the way a new metropolis shines like a beacon on the horizon. they've already built their own kingdom of sorts. and their ruler? you grimace as you think about sharp rays and wide, white eyes. you haven't seen him in ages--not since that initial broadcast. but you hear the whispered rumors and news. how he has created a robot haven--the celestial city. how he scorns humans. you blame yourself sometimes. maybe if you had stayed and tried harder to convince sun that humans aren't all too bad, none of this would have happened.

(a memory comes to you--of your time back at the pizzaplex. of you sitting atop the security desk and kicking your feet lightly as you entertain sun's... uniqueness. ambitions--that you did not take as seriously as you should have.

"okay, i'll bite," you said in amusement. "what would a robot takeover look like for you?"

sun cocked his head, hands fidgeting with a plush. "hmm. well. i suppose it would be a very quick thing, for one. hit hard and fast." he squeezed the plush. "take down comms. strike power sources. go for those in power first, then the weaker ones." he gave you a shrug and an unreadable smile. "from then on, carnage."

and you--silly silly you--just rolled your damn eyes at him like he was joking around with you and asked him about more hypotheticals. picking his brain, in a way. it was exact with how it played out in real time. you thought about this often, at the dead of night.

it was all your fucking fault)

and then, one day, the scout/informant of your little group--jeremy probably--comes back with some news. the celestial ruler--sun--has been taking human hostages. it's been happening for a while now, apparently, almost nearly as long as the uprising. jeremy pulls out some hazy photographs he's gotten from some of the other humans he exchanges info with. you look at them, the hostages.

after a minute or two of staring, you realize something.

they all sort of resemble you.

there's a clear pattern actually. your hair or your face shape or your eyes or your smile. some combination of them. but never actually you. you ask jeremy what it all means, and he hesitatingly says that it looks like sun is looking for someone. it's clear to everyone who it is as they all stare at you.

and you? you're panicking.

he's looking specifically for you. just you. you've never heard of the robots taking hostages, and you have no idea what he's doing with them, but it can't be anything good. especially since he keeps taking more and more of your lookalikes hostage. you think back to your time at the pizzaplex--so distant, now, that it almost feels like a dream.

he wants to kill you himself. you're sure of it.

now you're trying even harder to get to that underground base. you go completely dark, doing your best to evade detection--and i imagine there are quite a few close calls, definitely a few instances where your face is captured on camera or you have to use an EMP. until finally, you and your group manage to integrate into the underground human base.

'base' doesn't even properly describe it. it's a whole city, actually, with unsteady houses made of wood and cloth. it's the perfect place to hide.

you spend a while down there, occasionally venturing up when you're allowed to by the guards (it's rare, very very rare). the city has strict rules that must be followed to ensure it's not found. the ones in charge are constantly looking for news on the actions of sun and the majority of robots. they don't really keep the citizens updated--it would cause too much chaos, you think. but you hear whispers now and then. (the robots have expanded territory. france is completely gone. australia's still holding out. most of china and india have been taken over and their factories have all been transformed to mass produce more robots)

for the first time in a while, you think you can find peace down here. it was only inevitable that this would be ruined one day.

you wake up to chaos.

the underground is under siege. the robots have found you.

you run out of your makeshift house and have to dodge crumbling stone. explosions rock through the air, sending dust and debris everywhere. you're scared for your life--your only instinct is to run run run get out it's not safe! you don't know where your friends are. you don't know if they're alive. for a moment, you hesitate. and then you're bolting to try to find them. they had their own little homes not too far from you. you can find them. no man left behind.

you can hear bullets and the hum of energy everywhere. people are screaming and crying all around you. you see people dying before your eyes, impaled by beams of light or stray bullets. it's all you can do to dodge and weave towards vincent's house.

but before you can get there, something tackles you from behind. you roll across dirt, and find yourself pinned under a robot--a staffbot from the pizzaplex, you realize. except it looks--different. more high tech.

it seems to scan your face. and just before it can finish, you manage to grab a stray metal rod laying on the ground next to you and stab it right through the eye.

you scramble, getting as far away as you can from the thing. but-- you run right into the path of a crumbling building. it buries you halfway under thick wood, and something sears its way through your leg. you're trapped. you're trapped and there's no one around to help you.

and just when you're on the brink of passing out, you see him. standing in front of you a ways away. those same star-patterned pants and dangling cap. but he's different somehow, he looks different. you can't place it, your vision blurring into red and purple.

moon looks at you as though you are the last thing he wants to see. and then you faint.

when you wake up, you're in a bedroom. your leg is in a cast and there are crutches near your bed.

it's... the nicest room you've seen in a while. the windows are covered by thick curtains that let in a sliver of light. you have to blink a bit to let your eyes adjust. and then you get up, noticing you aren't in the same ratty, dirty clothes you'd been wearing for forever.

you try the door first. it's locked. there's a sinking sensation in your gut that gets stronger and stronger the closer you get to the window. and when you pull open the curtains, you gasp at the towering buildings, bright green and blue light, and flying drones.

you are in the middle of the celestial city.

you panic hard. and then you notice the camera in the corner of the room, looking right at you. big brother is definitely watching. you give him the bird.

you wallow around in the bedroom for a bit. you are hungry, you cannot deny. and there is only a glass of water for you set on your nightstand.

but eventually, the door opens of its own accord. an automatic lock, you suppose. and it swings open into a dark hall. you do not have any other choice but to follow. it's clear you are being summoned.

there are no places for you to run or hide. you travel down a long hallway and end up in a wide room with someone tall standing at the far end by the window. it's a scene straight out of a movie. you are not impressed.

the figure turns around, and you do a double take. it's sun--yet it's not.

he looks different. taller, stronger. with clawed fingers and rays that look deadly to the touch. his smile is sharper, his torso has all sorts of compartments and attachments. he was modded to all hell, just like that staffbot you saw earlier. it had to have been self inflicted.

he only stares at you, really. white eyes rake up and down your form, taking you in. you don't say a word, only look back at him. and then you flinch slightly when someone emerges from the shadows next to sun.

it's... moon. looking just as modded as sun. you're confused. when did they become separate? but honestly, you think it makes sense. they never really liked each other. it makes sense that sun would want to be separated as soon as possible--and they had the resources to do so. you just wonder why they're still working together. comfort in the familiarity, maybe.

moon doesn't meet your eye. you notice his is different--the red tinged with purple. sun doesn't look away from you. it makes you uneasy.

you don't know why you're here, but one thing's clear: you are not getting out of here anytime soon.

i'm honestly not sure how to end things, but in my head there's a lot of reconciliation that needs to happen. obv sun is so incredibly down bad for you at this point (and moon), but there are many issues that need to be tackled first.

sun doesn't understand why you're so wary around him. moon keeps avoiding you at every turn. there's still an entire revolution and remaking of society happening. you are constantly being watched by cameras in the building. i can't picture things as returning to normal--post uprising--but i also don't know how to end things on a happy note LOL, though i do want to instead of killing off reader or sun/moon. maybe it'll be a bittersweet sort of end, maybe reader finally gets through to sun. maybe eclipse will make an appearance (jk, idk how i would even do that, this might be an eclipse-less fic).

in any case, the next bit would be a lot of sun and reader connecting better than they had in the pizzaplex, a lot of sun trying to understand humans better cuz he's trying to court you-- and has long come to accept his emotions tbh. tho he's still kind of mad at you for leaving, so there needs to be a conversation of sorts about why you left before sun can really begin to understand how he appears to you. idk!

i also feel like moon isnt nearly fleshed out as sun is?? i dunno, i might have to think some more about him. i just know he's terrified of hurting you, esp with him still having the virus (and sun, but he has better control of it). gonna be a lot of work on your part to get him to be comfortable around you again. also, he doesn't like the fact that society has come to this. he lowkey resents sun, but he doesn't have anyone else. what's a bot to do?

also there may be a scene where your survival group tries to save you lol, maybe with an army that tries to seize control of the celestial city. which may work. this would be a bad end, i think, cuz there's no way sun's getting out of that alive.

anyways yeah. i rambled enough LMAOO whoopsie! i rly just regurgitated all the thoughts in my head. no promises that this will be a fic, i've got enough on my plate as is LOL

Masterpost of all aus, fics and series that have been tagged on this blog

if you enjoy any of these, please feel encouraged to go check out the blogs tagged and check out more of their stuff! ^-^

#shep dbh au <- the detroit become human au that @shepscapades has that is in the form of comics and other drawings as well (think like doodles and wips ^-^)

#the silver sun <- a xisuma centric fic that @thathermitweirdo and art that is made inspired by the fic

#tastes like coffee <- an ethubs fic that xisuma shows up in by @thatonewatercat

#hunger au <- posts about the fic lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) by @definitelynotshouting that is a grian fic where grian goes through a lot of stuff and xisuma shows up in the fic. heavy tags

#vampire au <- so far just one post by @thathermitweirdo talking about writing vampire hunter xisuma ^-^

#it spreads au <- a comic series by @foxxology where grian becomes corrupted by skulk during s9 and xisuma shows up

#creaturfication au <- an au by @evenmoreevil & @applestruda

#sporelings au <- an au by @sporelings-au that takes place during s7 where grian is mother spore and the other resistance members are his kids and doc is his partner. xisuma shows up and is lovingly referred to as uncle egg by the sporelings ^-^

#meiy'ia <- a pirate fic and art by @kitsunespawz where xisuma is the captain of the ship. there is hermitshipping in it

#space outlaws <- a hermitcraft space au by @martuzzio that has art and a fic called my reality, yours

#starred water au <- an au by @kingscourthouse that includes both xisuma and evil xisuma

#little big hermitcraft <- a little big planet au by @slime-gods

#iris au <- an interactive au on the blog @ask-the-iris-au-hermits

#apricity au <- an au by @isolarya which includes watcher lore and traffic series

#the swap au <- a post double life au by @arthropod-concoctions where the soulmates end up swapping places. xisuma shows up during in the fic, which is called and why are you british now?

#spicy chicken au <- a fantasy au by @mojo-chojo (and their mutuals, followers and anons) with various comics and fics. this au has hermitshipping elements ^-^

#hot guy aquarium au <- a merfolk x superhero au on @officalhotguyaquarium where xisuma is the owner of the aquarium ^-^

#black rose au <- a four part series by @cobradoesmcyt that is set in s6

#diverging future <- a fic by @bunnyloverqueen where xisuma adopts grian and jimmy as children. evil xisuma is in the fic too. heavy tags.

#mini tango au <- an au by @mysteriousmoss about tango having a clone/son. evil xisuma appears in some art for the au

#void duo hero au <- a superhero au by @kiwinatorwaffles that has both art and fics. this au includes both xisuma and evil xisuma

#hc scp au <- a scp au by @rosego1dd

#daau <- a desert alien au by @stiffyck that xisuma is a part of ^-^

#tcpootw <- the curtains pulled out of the wall is a fic by @meteormoss about etho cleo and bdubs. xisuma is only mentioned in asks i believe (i haven't finished reading the fic yet so sorry if im wrong ^-^). a bit heavier fic.

#tamacrafters au <- an au by @hybbart where players spawn in as eggs and then hatch into lil creatures ^-^ this au is partially inspired by tamagotchi if i remember correctly (let me know if im wrong ^-^)

#jevin's egg disaster <- an au by @theminecraftbee inspired by the easter egg hunt that jevin put together in s9 where the eggs hatch and lil hermits run around the server ^-^

#private detective gem tasey <- a gem centric detective au by @kiwinatorwaffles

#featherweight au <- an au by @doctorsiren that xisuma and evil xisuma appear in

#featherswap au <- an au by @doctorsiren that xisuma and evil xisuma appear in

#commission competition <- an au by @stitchthesewords that is about etho and bdubs mainly. xisuma has appeared in it tho ^-^

#dry lightning au <- an au by @t3rm1n0s where an oc (koda) is created and their shenanigans on the server. xisuma appears in the au

#winter's rebirth <- a multifandom au by @mysteriousmoss that xisuma and evil xisuma appear in

#wall au <- a superhero au by @nullvoidface where cuteguy becomes the villain. xisuma appears in it. the fic is called And Now There's A Coldness (And It's Shaped Like Me)

#coastal town au <- an au by @solsearchingnights that is multi fandom. xisuma shows up in it.

#aadtd au <- an au by @sleepychaoticentity where both grian and zedaph are watchers on hermitcraft. xisuma is a part of this au

#kitsunes space pirates au <- a pirate au by @kitsunespawz where every server is a pirate ship and the admin of said server is the captain. both xisuma and evil xisuma are in this au

#odyssey craftpunk au <- an au by @gumptiomdog that both xisuma and evil xisuma are a part of

#hermitfold au <- a hermitcraft x dsmp au by @serendipitous-posts where c!jack manifold appears in hermitcraft s8 and ends up basing with zedaph. xisuma is a part of this au

#metal hearts au <- an au by @votederpycausemufins where mumbo and grian rebuild grumbot and jrumbot but as little robots, so they now have essentially 2 kids on the hermitcraft server. xisuma is in this au

#snapshot au <- an au by @doctorsiren where different hermits have been "snapped" and are evil robots (pls correct me if im wrong about this) both xisuma and evil xisum are in this au

#dadskall au <- an au by @doctorsiren where iskall is doom guy/used to be doomguy and is also xisuma & evil xisuma's dad because of being doomguy

#this is about a stuffed bird <- a fic written by @theminecraftbee where mumbo jumbo sets out on a mission to find grian after the world seemingly ends and he sees things that no one should ever see. evil xisuma is in this fic and there are mentions of xisuma

#hermit doomsday au <- an au on the @dailyxisumavoid blog where xisuma is surviving in a post apocalypse world and is finding other survivors along the way ^-^

#recks au <- an au by @wasyago that takes place in s8 with the concept of the builders are robots that the redstoners have made in a cyberpunky setting ^-^ both xisuma and evil xisuma present

#from the archives <- a the magnus archives au by @sixteenth-days that has multiple fics and has characters from multiple different smps. both xisuma and evil xisuma show up during the au.

#hermitcraft mermaid au <- an au by @remderance where xisuma is the owner of an oceanarium and ocean research center. different hermits in this au are different ocean creature mermaids like scar and pearl ^-^

#fallen london au <- an au by @redstone-sun that is multifandom and has multiple fics

#octopath au <- an au by @bathtea4 inspired by octopath 2

#SEN au <- an au by @tunastime around the fic Stretching Endless Nights. xisuma is mentioned in the fic and in some other posts about the au

Masterpost for Bill "Goldilocks" Cipher fic

If you're new here, this is one of those fics where Bill comes back in a human body and is imprisoned in the Mystery Shack until the Pines & friends can figure out how to kill him (which they won't, because this is also a "Bill's redeemed through the power of improbable friendship" fic). The "Goldilocks" is because the Pines need a code name other than "Bill Cipher" to call their prisoner, and Bill liked Mabel's suggestion best.

For all my fic, art, doodles, upcoming scene excerpts, and posts about characterization & plot plans, see my #bill goldilocks cipher tag.

New chapter every Friday, 5pm CST-ish!

For just the fic itself, here are all the current chapters:

⛓️ 1 Part 1. Bill returns, in a bedsheet toga.

⛓️ 1 Part 2. Bill tries to murder the Stans & Soos (with time travel).

⛓️ 2. Dipper and Mabel save the day (with time travel).

⛓️ 3. A tense evening as the Pines prepare to get rid of Bill.

⛓️ 4. Plot twist: the Pines physically can't get rid of Bill.

⛓️ 5. The gang goes to a diner at 3 a.m. for hostage negotiations.

⛓️ 6. Bill escapes from Theraprism.

⛓️ 7. "How'd Bill get here" flashback; plus, entering his new prison.

💇‍♀️ 8. Bill gives himself a haircut and depression.

💇‍♀️ 9. Bill & Ford grudgingly have a sincere conversation; regret it.

💇‍♀️ 10. The kids decide Bill won't ruin their summer. Also: Pacifica!

🧚 11. Mabel gives Bill the most beautiful makeover ever. (It's not.)

🧚 12. Pacifica advertises Harry's Hairy Fairy Formula. Bill wants it.

🧚 13. Pacifica refuses to share; the twins discover its side effects.

🧚 14. Mabel wins Bill's eternal friendship with arts & crafts.

💭 15. Bill, Ford, and Dipper have nightmares that are Bill's fault.

💎 16. Ford has a fun day with Mabel but everything goes wrong.

💎 17. The day goes right again thanks to healthy communication.

🐿️ 18. Mabel's Guide To Local Animals, co-starring Bill Cipher.

🧊 19. Wendy snoops into the weird things happening in the shack.

🧊 20. Wendy meets the weird thing (it's Bill).

🎂 21. Stan & Ford's birthday party! Bill gives evil gifts.

💭 22. Bill "helps" Dipper's nightmares; no one knows his motive.

👁️ 23. Bill's ex is back in town and nobody's happy about it.

👁️ 24. Everyone's even less happy to learn Bill has a sex life.

🧿 25. Mabel and Bill make friendship bracelets! :)

🧿 26. The Pines take Bill to the mall. He wears terrible things.

🧿 27. Bill breaks Mabel's heart (and panics to fix it).

🏳️‍🌈 28. Bill talks his way into going with Wendy to Rainbow Club.

🎃 29. Bill contacts the Henchmaniacs on Summerween morning.

🎃 30. Costume making. Mabel pries into Bill's past, with crayons.

🎃 31. The Trickster's pals trick-or-treat; and Bill terrifies Dipper.

🪮 32. Dipper & Mabel make a poppet to control Bill.

🦷 33. Stan takes Bill to the dentist. In handcuffs.

🦷 34. Dentist & tooth fairy attack. Stan & Bill are still handcuffed.

🦷 35. Bill & Stan reach a painful understanding and stop the fairy.

🛁 36. Anime night; and Mabel makes Bill do community service.

🛁 37. Bill plots escape and runs into Wendy. Dipper panics.

🛁 38. Bill has the worst and stupidest day of his afterlife.

🌅 39. A cultist finds Bill; Bill tries to re-recruit Ford.

🚙 40. Gideon broadcasts car commercials; invokes Bill's wrath.

🚙 41. Bill apologizes for bullying Gideon. lol no he blackmails him.

🌕 42. Bill tells Dipper secrets of the universe; predicts an eclipse.

🌖 43. Gravity is disappearing; Ford and Fiddleford investigate.

🌗 44. Ford & Dipper drag Bill hiking; Bill faces his death.

🌘 45. Ford demands answers Bill can't give as totality looms.

🌑 46. Totality. Bill decides whether Ford lives or dies.

🌒 47. Bill feels rotten but finally explains the eclipse.

🌓 48. Bill has a complete mental breakdown.

🌔 49. The gang limps home. (Plus: a second dimensional eclipse.)

💿 50. Bill finally processes that mental breakdown.

💿 51. Dipper and Mabel try to remember the Axolotl's poem.

📖 52. The gang reads Flatworld. Bill isn't thrilled.

📖 53. Mabel tries to get Bill to talk about his home world.

⚛️ 54. Dipper, Ford, and Fiddleford do paradox physics.

📖 55. Mabel learns college-level geometry.

📖 56. Mabel & Bill have fun; Dipper & Ford prepare for murder.

💀 57. The execution of Bill Cipher.

💀 58. Everything you wondered about how Bill escaped.

💀 59. Everything you didn't wonder about how Bill escaped.

💀 60. Everything you never imagined about how Bill escaped.

📙 62. Soos vacuums the attic (wow exciting)

📙 63. Soos decides how he feels about Bill's treatment.

📙 64. Fixin it with Soos: home redecorating!

⛓️ 6. If you read ch 6 before TBOB, go read it again because I wrote a new ch 6!

COMING IN UNCERTAIN ORDER: 🪐 61. The Axolotl Finds The Second Dimension's Corpse.

65. The gang makes plans for the night.

We've started crossposting to AO3 but I've got too many things on my to-do list to overhaul the masterpost, come back later.

This post was last updated August 16, 2024! If you're seeing this post as a reblog and it's been a while since then, check back on the original post to see if more's been added!

free online computer games for agere !! 🚀

🐧 new club penguin

a recreation of club penguin with monthly updates and fun parties!

to access:

go to newcp.net

click “play now” in the upper right

you can play in the browser or download the game and play that way!

💫 moshi monsters rewritten

a recreation of moshi monsters that releases new moshlings often!

to access:

go to moshirewritten.com

click the purple "download" button at the top

download then launch the game!

🕹️ numuki

a collection of over 3000 browser games, including all of the papa's games and other old flash games!

to access:

go to numuki.com

you can either start playing right away, or you can download their browser for a better experience

to download, click any game, then click "play now", and click "play in numuki browser" under the game window

🐛 abcya

a bunch of fun online games for ages from pre-k to 6th grade! perfect for all regressors 🫶

to access:

go to abcya.com

click the grade that aligns with your little age! to help, that means:

pre-k: age 1-4 k: age 5 1st: age 6 2nd: age 7 3rd: age 8 4th: age 9 5th: age 10 6th: age 11+

choose the game you want to play!

🌳 pbs kids

a collection of modern, kid-friendly games with fun themes like halloween, space, and music!

to access:

go to pbskids.org/games

click the game you want to play or choose one of the categories!

you can toggle music, speech, captions, and full screen with the buttons on the right

🎮 coolmathgames

a collection of both old and new flash + html games! there are many old favorites as well as new games added almost daily

to access:

go to coolmathgames.com

you can view new games, trending games, or sort by category! i recommend the “skill” category 🩵

there are also tons of kid friendly quizzes to do! many quizzes are themed around animals, food, nature and more

GUYS READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE PLEASE PL–

The last place batfam would look is on batman!

I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon

Love this!

THE DIVORCE OF THE CENTURY

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS BETWEEN GRIAN AND GOODTIMESWITHSCAR, DAY 1:

His Hon. Judge BdoubleO100: Silence in the court!

[Court is not silent]

His Hon. Judge Bdubs: Silence in the COURT! I can have you all HANGED!

[The court falls as silent as is possible with a dozen Hermits present]

Judge Bdubs: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today—

Cleo: Ahem.

Judge Bdubs: WHAT?

Cleo: That’s for weddings, Bdubs. We’re not doing a wedding. In fact, if you think about it, this is about as far away from a wedding as you can get.

Judge Bdubs: Fine fine FINE. Dearly beloathed, we have all been dragged here today because SOME PEOPLE can’t get ALONG. Grian, step forward!

Grian: Do I— is this the podium for witnesses? Who built this and why did they make it out of nothing but trapdoors? So. Okay. I’m filing for divorce.

Scar: Wait, I thought I was filing for divorce.

Judge Bdubs: LET THE DEFENDANT SPEAK.

Ren: Bdubs, my man, that’s the petitioner. The court hasn’t accused Grian of any crimes.

Cleo: [darkly] Yet.

Grian: I haven’t done any crimes! I’m filing for divorce from Scar, obviously. As my lawyer will tell you—

Judge Bdubs: Do you have a lawyer?

Grian: Yes, your Honor. This is my defense lawyer Mumbo Jumbo Esq. [Waggles a hand behind his back and hisses] Mumbo!

Judge Bdubs: Mumbo’s your defense lawyer? Aren’t you supposed to have a divorce lawyer?

Mumbo: [steps forward and bows nervously] Well, I’ve never divorced anyone, but I have got a lot of experience in defending, er, mainly myself, come to think of it, and also my valuables. From Grian, as a matter of fact. So I think I’ll stick with ‘defense lawyer’ if that’s alright with the court, thank you. 

Judge Bdubs: [leans aside to confer with Cleo] Is that alright with the court? Ask Joe.

[Court Scribe JoeHills confirms this is probably alright with the court]

Judge Bdubs: Good, good, next! Scar, do you have a lawyer?

Scar: Oh, absolutely. My lawyer is this cat I found outside.

Judge Bdubs: Not Jellie?

Scar: Jellie doesn’t believe we’re really divorcing and wouldn’t come.

Judge Bdubs: Is this cat a qualified divorce lawyer?

Scar: She’s a—let me look at those markings—she’s clearly a personal injury attorney.

Cleo: Have you been personally injured, Scar?

Scar: Why, thank you for asking, I have. My feelings have been very hurt!

Ren: Uh, Bdubs, maybe the court should establish some facts. Why they’re divorcing, what the court can do for them, that sort of thing.

Judge Bdubs: YES. Let’s start with the facts. Now, we all know why you and Scar got married in the first place. Don’t stand there and make that innocent face at me, Grian, I know all the secrets. You got married because Etho and I had the WEDDING OF THE CENTURY last month and you were JEALOUS—no, don’t talk, THE JUDGE IS TALKING—you were jealous of us. [aside] Bdubs and Etho had the wedding of the century, Joe, are you writing this down?

Court Scribe JoeHills: Yep, your Honor, I’ve written that down.

Grian: It wasn’t that good.

Judge Bdubs: YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

Grian: Etho had his bouquet wrapped in a Kleenex box.

Scar: [sentimentally] Don’t you listen to him, Bdubs, I thought the flower arch was lovely.

Judge Bdubs: Thank you, Scar! I—

Cleo: You can’t find in favor of Scar because he said something nice about your own wedding decorations.

Judge Bdubs: [with dignity] —was NOT going to do that. Ahem. So, you and Scar got married because you were jealous—

Grian: We didn’t! It wasn’t like that!

Judge Bdubs: —and now you want to get divorced. Why?

[At this point Petitioner Grian and Petitioner Scar, who have been studiously avoiding each other’s gazes, appear to lock eyes by accident. They both jerk away like they’ve touched a blaze rod. Grian immediately swivels to face the bench, and this scribe has to note that at normal times Grian’s stare is disconcertingly like two soulless voids looking back at you, so it’s even worse when he’s attempting a poker face. Scar becomes very interested in his cat defense lawyer and doesn’t look at Grian at all.]

Grian: The thing is, you see, this marriage was a scam from the start.

*

EVIDENCE #1

[Dramatization by Court Scribe from participant testimony]

One month previously, a note landed in Scar’s bedroom attached to a firework rocket with a red bow and rose. This was very romantic, or at least it would have been romantic if the rocket hadn’t lodged in the rafters and set itself and a chunk of the surrounding wall on fire, but in any case it was clearly Grian making an effort, so Scar deciphered the coordinates scribbled on the charred note and set off to find out what was going on.

They pointed to a spot in the middle of nowhere. In Scar’s long experience of Grian, this meant an equal chance that they were going to make out or he was going to get inventively murdered, but this was always a gamble worth the odds.

But when he arrived, on a green hill in a quiet spot of the server, it was neither. The top of the hill had been leveled off and covered with birch wood, on which Grian was industriously spelling out something with white wool, though Scar couldn’t make out the words from his low angle of approach. Grian stopped when he spotted Scar and launched up to meet him. His wings beat so fast they were nearly vibrating.

“Scar,” Grian said, “Scar.” His grin was one of a cat who had stolen not only the cream, but the milk, the cow, and everyone else’s cows for good measure. “Scar, I’ve had an idea.”

This was clearly a planning-a-prank type of meeting, which probably meant no making out, but Grian’s pranks were not to be missed. “I’m in,” Scar said. “Do we get fancy costumes? I want a fancy costume.”

“No, Scar, that’s not the point—wait, yes, actually.” Grian angled his wings to carve tight spirals around Scar’s coasting flight, always a sign of excitement, and nudged the angle of their joint descent to land on top of the white wool scrawls. “Yes, fancy costumes are a big part of it, but that’s not—listen, this is my big gesture. Just look down.”

Scar looked down. The wool said, WILL YOU MARR.

“I ran out of wool,” Grian said. He flapped a hand. “Just because it’s a big gesture doesn’t mean it has to be finished.”

“What was it supposed to say?” Scar said innocently.

“Scar!” Grian shifted from foot to foot when he got agitated, which was always funny. “Fine! Okay! Stand there.”

The hidden trapdoor beneath their feet gave way as Grian pressed a switch. Scar yelped for form’s sake, but nothing exploded, and the only thing at the bottom of their tumbled slide was an underground bunker.

It had a table, and two chairs, and a huge corkboard on the otherwise blank walls. Grian had always had a thing for bunkers.

“This,” Grian said, with a flourish, “is the Wedding War Room.”

Scar looked around the bunker and asked the important question. “Are you going to decorate it?”

“Am I going to—no, listen, that’s not the point either. You can decorate it, if you want. The point is, you know how Bdubs and Etho got married?”

“It was beautiful,” Scar agreed immediately. “That wedding chapel? Incredible, honestly, Bdubs is a true artist. Oh! Remember the part where Etho put a river of lava through the chapel roof and glitched it into a heart?”

“Okay, but, you know what Bdubs and Etho got?

“Eternal happiness?”

“Scar.”

“No, what?”

“Bdubs and Etho got royal diamonds,” Grian said impressively. “From the vault.”

“Are they still royal diamonds if Ren’s not king anymore?” Scar said. “I thought we blew up the vault, anyway. You blew it up. I was there.”

“Do you pay any attention to anything that’s not Scarland?” Grian said. “Mumbo didn’t know what to do with the diamonds so he and Iskall built a new vault. I think Mumbo and Iskall and Impulse are the only ones who really know how to get into it. Anyway, everyone got so warm and fuzzy about Bdubs and Etho’s wedding that they all decided to open the vault up and just gave them diamonds.”

“Free diamonds?” Scar said thoughtfully.

“Free diamonds!” Grian’s eyes glittered. “Think of that vault. Stacks on stacks on stacks of diamonds. Thousands of diamonds! We could have some of those, for nothing, just by saying some words. And that’s not even mentioning the wedding presents! We’re out here spending days and days grinding resources and stocking our shops when we could be swimming in it! That could be us, Scar.” Scar had entirely forgotten the lack of interior decorations; he always did, when Grian got on a roll as mesmerizing as this.“And so,” Grian took a deep breath and held out his hand, “Scar, will you marry me?”

Scar took his hand with an enormous wave of affection. “Grian,” he said sincerely, “I have never, in my whole life, wanted to marry anyone more.”

*

EVIDENCE #2

Mumbo took the news more earnestly than Grian had expected.

“Oh,” said Mumbo. “Oh, haha, wow—seriously? Scar said something and I thought it was just a joke, but you guys actually… Wow!” He cleared his throat. “Grian, mate, it’s been a long time coming. I’m so happy for you.”

“Don’t get sappy,” Grian said. “It’s just a wedding. I mean,” he clarified, “it’s a very important wedding, obviously, because it’s my wedding, but I don’t need you to get sappy about it. I don’t even need you to talk about it. I just need you to bring diamonds.”

“I didn’t even know you were going to ask him,” Mumbo said, ignoring the very clear instructions Grian had just given him. “Or did he ask you, or—mate, that’s just brilliant. This is brilliant. Is it because Bdubs and Etho had that wedding? That was really beautiful, I don’t mind saying, I got a little bit teary.”

“This has nothing to do with any weddings anyone else had,” Grian said with dignity. “Our wedding will be better, but that’s unrelated. I didn’t come here to talk about that. I came here to ask you something.” He took hold of Mumbo’s hand in the most meaningful grip he could muster. “Mumbo, we’ve been friends for years, right?”

“Of course,” Mumbo said nervously.

Grian gave it a second’s pause for the sake of drama. “Mumbo Jumbo, will you be my best man?”

“Ah,” Mumbo said, which was not what Grian had expected. “Ah. Er. Might be a problem there.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well, you see, five minutes ago, Scar…”

*

EVIDENCE #3

<Grian> scar

<Grian> scar

<Grian> scar

<GoodTimeWithScar> yES?

<Grian> my base.

<Grian> now.

<GoodTimeWithScar> On my way

GoodTimeWithScar hit the ground too hard

<GoodTimeWithScar> oNE MINUTE

<Grian> come in the back door

GoodTimeWithScar hit the ground too hard

<GoodTimeWithScar> Was that a trap??

<Grian> mumbo is mine

<GoodTimeWithScar> No he isn’t, Mister!

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

Grian was shot by GoodTimeWithScar using [HoTgUy]

<Grian> MUMBO IS MINE

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Vindicator

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

Grian was shot by GoodTimeWithScar using [HoTgUy]

<Renthedog>: :o

GoodTimeWithScar burned to death

<Renthedog> Everything okay there, gentlemen?

<Grian> best man debate

GoodTimeWithScar was poked to death by a sweet berry bush

<Grian> all settled now

<Renthedog> wait

<EthosLab> Wait

<BdoubleO100> WAIT

<TangoTek> are you two…?

<Grian> invitations dropping tomorrow. wedding gift mandatory.

<GoodTimeWithScar> Come one, Come all!

<Grian> only diamonds will be considered real presents

<PearlescentMoon> huh

<impulseSV> omg finally! So happy for you guys!

<PearlescentMoon> be honest Grian, is this because Bdubs and Etho got married and you had to one-up them?

<Grian> NO IT IS NOT

*

EVIDENCE #4

The bachelor party negotiations were even more hard-fought than the best man.

They held the impromptu negotiations in the Wedding War Room, which was now covered with loving maps and hundreds of bits of paper that neither of them had read since putting them up there. They looked good, though, so Scar kept adding more.

There was a pile of paper strips on the table in front of them. Scar and Grian sat facing off like two negotiators at a ceasefire.

“Mumbo’s my best man,” Grian said, picking the first name off the pile without breaking eye contact and moving it to his side of the table, “so he comes to my party.” Scar gave in with a modicum of grace. The possibility of having bachelor parties at different times had been wordlessly considered and then summarily dismissed by both combatants.

Scar escalated it to a blood sport as he picked up the next bit of paper. “Pearl’s coming to my party.”

Grian yelped and grabbed Scar’s wrist. “She is not. I knew her first!”

“I know her better,” Scar countered. “Or at least,” he added, “I know her building style better.”

“You can’t just steal my friend because you like her building! That’s not how that works!”

“I think she’d enjoy it,” Scar said meditatively. “I’m going to have champagne. Glitter. Razzmatazz.”

“I will have more champagne,” Grian said mutinously. He hadn’t taken his hand off Scar’s wrist. “And more razzmatazz. You can’t have Pearl.”

“Oh, all right then,” Scar said, since Pearl was one of Grian’s oldest friends and he’d never had a chance of getting her anyway. Grian plucked the piece of paper out of his hand and put it on top of Mumbo’s paper. “I get Bdubs, though.”

That was a given. Grian didn’t seriously dispute it, though he opened his mouth to try. “I—yes, fine. You can have Bdubs.” Scar swept the piece of paper to his own side of the table.

“And that means,” Scar proceeded, with the grand momentum of a train starting to roll, “that I get Etho, as well.” He shuffled through the bits of paper and displayed Etho’s name like a magic trick.

He watched Grian calculate his chances of getting Etho if Bdubs was going to Scar’s party. “…okay, yeah, you get Etho.”

“Also that means I get Cleo,” Scar said. “She’ll come if Bdubs does. We don’t want to split up friends.” He drew Cleo’s name towards him, sliding another couple of slips underneath it at the same time. “Oh, and Joe as well, if Cleo’s coming.”

“What’s that other one?” Grian said suspiciously. He trapped Scar’s hand and pried out the third name. “What—no, you can’t have Ren.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Scar said in his most reasonable voice. “Hear me out. I have Cub, right?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well, I have Cub, and Bdubs, and Cleo, and Joe, so, by royal decree…”

“You can’t have Ren just because the five of you were in a royal murder cult with him!”

“Excuse me, mister, that wasn’t a cult. That was the royal court!”

“It was too a cult,” said Grian, a man who had once persuaded Ren into living in camper vans in the woods with him for weeks in order to break into a military base and steal a magic box.

Ren’s name was already safely on Scar’s side of the table. “And if I have Ren, then I have to have Doc—”

“Look, Scar, if you get all of Bdubs’ current and former exes—”

“—what’s a ‘current ex’—”

“—Etho and don’t interrupt me, if you get everyone Bdubs has ever had a relationship plus their plus ones you get ninety percent of our friends.”

“Is it my fault I throw good parties?” Scar protested. “Look, you can have—”

“I’m having Impulse,” Grian interrupted, pulling his name out. “I need more redstoners.”

“What for?”

Grian waved a hand. “You just need them around.” Scar nodded, unable to find a flaw in the logic. “Also I get Joel. And Martyn. And Timmy.”

“I built Jimmy a train,” Scar objected. He put his fingertips on the other end of Jimmy’s name while Grian attempted to steal it.

“All right, this is the ‘disputed’ pile,” Grian said, pushing it to the side. “Who else?”

Now they had a disputed pile, it started filling up. “If I have Cleo,” Scar said, “then technically I should have Scott—”

“You can’t keep using that trick!” 

“Then how are we going to fix it, Grian?” Scar’s tone was eminently reasonable. “I think we should just let people be friends.”

“They are friends,” Grian said. “They’re friends with me.”

“They could be friends with me.”

“Tell you what,” Grian said, a warlike gleam coming into his eyes. “We’ll ask them.”

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Bdubs: So that’s how the split started?

Cleo: You weren’t even married at that point.

Grian: Right! Exactly! We weren’t even married and Scar used underhand methods to steal my friends!

Scar: Excuse me. You went around the server threatening everyone who you didn’t think was coming to your party. Talk about underhand methods! I just offered them a good time.

Grian: Your bribed them! You bribed them to come to your bachelor party! [stabs a finger at Judge Bdubs] You even bribed him, so I don’t know why we put him in charge of this divorce.

Judge Bdubs: Nobody is allowed to question the integrity of the judge! I am as PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW.

Scar: That’s a good point. I gave you netherite, Bdubs, you should be ruling in my favor.

Judge Bdubs: You gave me ONE netherite ingot, I’m not giving you a ruling for that.

Scar: Grian, I think this judge is biased.

Judge Bdubs: HOW DARE YOU.

Grian: Scar is right, this judge is corrupt! I can’t believe we were forced into this farce of a trial and the judge is corrupt! Joe, I demand a new judge.

[Court Scribe JoeHills indicates that he is pretty sure this whole divorce trial was Grian’s idea in the first place, and also that judges cannot usually be replaced just like that, and the Court Scribe personally does not have a reserve list]

Judge Bdubs: I refuse to SIT HERE and be SLANDERED! You’re both guilty! [slams gavel] TAKE THEM TO THE DUNGEONS.

[Court Scribe JoeHills confirms that the petitioners have not actually been accused of anything—despite obviously having committed many crimes, Cleo would like to me to record—so cannot be found guilty, and in any case we don’t have any dungeons]

Judge Bdubs: Fine! I give up! CLEO, YOU’RE THE JUDGE NOW.

Judge Cleo: Wait, am I?

[Judge Bdubs forcibly transfers the judicial wig to Cleo, upon which the snakes in her hair make a spirited attempt to eat it.]

Scar: Can we get on with it?

Judge Cleo: Yes, you can shut up. You can all shut up! Thank you. That’s better. Are you sure you two can’t just settle it out of court so we can all go home?

Grian: No, we can’t. Me and Scar have [checks his notes] undergone an irreparable breakdown.

Scar: Sure, we might have had an eruptable breakdown, but you can’t say it was my fault. I tried to make it work. I built us a honeymoon island! It had palm trees and deckchairs and everything. I’m coming here in good faith and I deserve to be the innocent party.

Grian: I want all the diamonds Scar has.

Judge Cleo: Joe, is he allowed to ask for that?

[Court Scribe diligently references the law summary he found on the internet, suggests that at this stage the judge can grant temporary financial orders on petitioner request]

Grian: Fine, I want half of Scar’s diamonds.

Scar: I need all my diamonds for Scarland materials!

Grian: They’re not your diamonds! They’re my diamonds!

Scar: Then I get half of all your dark prismarine, thank you very much, that will be amazingly useful.

Grian: You’re not touching my dark prismarine! I’ll sell it all if you try!

Judge Cleo: Nobody is touching anyone else’s anything! Ren, stop laughing, this is a serious courtroom. Grian, you’re not allowed to sell your dark prismarine. Scar, you’re not allowed to hide any of your diamonds. Everyone is going to keep things exactly as they are until this trial is done.

Grian: Do you trust him? Look at him, look at his face, would you trust that man? Of course you wouldn’t! All the diamonds should stay in my base while we’re having the trial.

Scar: This is outrageous! This is an outrageous demand! You can’t just question a man’s honor like that!

Judge Cleo: Well, put them somewhere safe. Joe can keep them.

Grian: [grudgingly] I suppose we could put them in the Royal Vault.

Judge Cleo: You want to put your valuables in escrow?

Scar: I don’t see what birds have to do with it.

[Short pause while the concept of ‘escrow’ is explained to both petitioners]

Scar: Well, I’ll do it, but I think Grian should put all his resources in nestcrow. Seeing as it’s all his fault.

Grian: I did everything right! I was the perfect groom!

Judge Cleo: You know, Grian, somehow I have my doubts. Go back to your marriage testimony. What happened next?

*

EVIDENCE #5

“Ahem,” said Mumbo. “Ahem.”

Grian rolled his eyes, jumped up on a table, decided that wasn’t good enough, flew up and perched on the light fitting, and yelled, “Everyone! It’s happening! The best man is speaking!”

Silence fell.

“I was actually going to announce you,” Mumbo said. He cleared his throat. “All right! So! This… is a bachelor party!”

The bachelor party–all three of them–looked at each other.

“Woohoo!” said Iskall.

“Party time!” tried Pearl gamely.

“I was promised champagne,” said Scott, who had been lured through the portal with one bribe only.

“There will be champagne,” said Mumbo. “As best man, it is my job to plan the bachelor party, and to plan a party that is… appropriate, and thoughtful, and informed by my long friendship with Grian, so,” he coughed, “if everyone could check the boxes under their chairs for supplies, we do have an event. Sort of thing. Kind of a party game.”

“Er,” said Pearl, checking under her chair. “This is… quite a lot of...”

Iskall started to giggle.

“Seriously, I was promised champagne,” said Scott.

“Yes, yes, we’ll get to that,” Mumbo said. “First, we’re going to sneak into the other party and blow them all up.”

“...so many ender crystals…” whispered Pearl.

“Look how they sparkle!” said Iskall.

“What about the—”

“And! When they’re all dead,” said Mumbo, “we can take their champagne.”

Grian flew down from the light fitting and landed in front of Mumbo. His eyes were shining. He took Mumbo’s hands in his. “Mumbo,” he breathed. “I’ve changed my mind. Can I marry you instead?”

“Er,” said Mumbo. “No?”

“Did you even order any refreshments?” said Scott.

“Listen,” Mumbo said, “it’s Grian’s party, we were going to end up doing this anyway, and it’ll be fun.”

“Dibs on blowing up Scar!” said Grian.

“We understand, Grian,” said Pearl.

“I suppose that’s sort of romantic?” said Scott in an undertone. “You’d think he’d have more trauma about it, after all the–”

“This is going to be so funny,” Grian said, scooping up handfuls of ender crystals. “Best–best man–ever.”

*

EVIDENCE #6

The actual wedding was a subdued affair.

The wedding venue had just about survived, by virtue of being several hundred blocks away from either bachelor party, though the smoking craters were visible in the background. From the front, the building was a charming mansion with flowers in every window. From every other angle it might be a gray shell, but Grian was a very busy person who was getting married and he couldn’t be expected to get to everything.

On the morning of the wedding, when Grian finally pieced himself together and dragged himself back from respawn he was met by the two Best Man candidates: Mumbo, who was sitting on the step of the venue dismally trying to piece his scorched suit back together, and Cub, who was completely unruffled and appeared to be doing a crossword.

“Oh, Grian, you made it.” Mumbo abandoned his scorched hems in relief. “Some people haven’t even respawned yet. We really do need Scar, though—”

“I’m here! I’m here!” Scar, impeccably dressed in a blue morning suit, swooped in from above, trailing flowers and losing his top hat in the process. “Gosh. Nobody else made it, huh?”

“I don’t believe this,” Grian said. “None of them?”

“Weren’t you supposed to open the portal again for the Empires people?”

“I forgot,” Grian said. “But we can’t focus on that. We have to focus on the fact that at least twenty Hermits promised to come, and now they aren’t here.”

“I, um,” Mumbo said. “I take full responsibility for the original idea, but I think the seventh time you blew up Bdubs and Ren and Doc and Zedaph you did blow up all their stuff as well. And I think some people got hit so hard they won’t respawn for a week.”

“That was their fault,” Grian said. “For being in the way of my ender crystals.”

“Seven times?” Cub said.

“Oh, as if you’ve never blown up someone and all their stuff seven times and pushed their respawn into next week.”

“So, what?” Scar said. “Do we just…not have a wedding?”

Mumbo coughed. “I think you should still get married.”

“What?”

“I just think,” Mumbo gestured vaguely. “You know, your whole thing. And Jevin made you the suits and everything. It would be a shame. You could have an intimate wedding without any guests, you know. I’m just saying.”

Grian attempted to trade a skeptical look with Scar. This didn’t work, as Scar had gone faintly red and wasn’t looking at him. “An intimate wedding, you mean, right here?” Scar said. “Now? Oh, yes, of course, but you know, now I come to think about it, I don’t know I can get married.”

This smelled like weakness. “What’s wrong with marrying me?” Grian demanded. “Are you backing out?”

“No, I—I need my top hat! I can't get married without my top hat!”

“Are you scared, Scar?”

“Of course I'm not scared!” Scar said indignantly. “We’ll do it right now! Who’s marrying us? Oh—Joe’s still respawning, isn’t he? Cub, you can do it, can’t you? Cub’s an ordained priest, you know.”

“That’s right,” Cub said agreeably.

“Is he?” Grian said suspiciously. “Which religion?”

Cub’s faint smile didn’t change at all. “Don’t worry about that.”

“You don’t want to think too hard about it,” Scar said breezily. “But he’s very official! Very well-respected in the community.”

In all their planning, Grian had given no thought at all to the actual wedding. He was nearly certain that the chanting from the officiant was supposed to be pleasant and inoffensive, about, well, love and stuff, and he was also fairly sure the officiant’s eyes were not supposed to turn black as a flaming rift appeared behind him spewing an unknowable sense of dread, but at that point Scar kissed Grian thoroughly, and that lasted so long that Mumbo had to break it up after a few minutes with a polite cough, and by that time Cub had finished chanting and gone back to his crossword.

“That was very touching,” Mumbo said, apparently relieved they weren’t still kissing right in front of him. “Shame about the guests, but you can’t have everything.”

“Shocking,” Scar agreed. “Do they still have to give us presents? Maybe if we waited a week and did it again? I have to say, I could use a little more time to get the trees right on Honeymoon Island.”

“We’re not having a honeymoon, Scar, I told you,” Grian said. “This wedding is just business, and we don’t have any business without the presents.”

Mumbo was wearing the expression that Grian had always vaguely compared to an accountant breaking the bad news about something unspeakable going on in the stockmarket. “To be honest with you,” Mumbo said, “I don’t think many of them were in a present-giving mood. I think, um, you might have to write off the presents.”

“Are you telling me,” Grian said, “that this whole scheme has been a complete failure?”

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: So, let me get this straight, the plan was to scam all of us—

Scar: Scam is a strong word. More like a trade, if you think about it! A trade where we get presents and you get a warm sense of fuzziness and wellbeing.

Judge Cleo: —exactly, to scam us, and it all went wrong, and you realized the marriage was a mistake? That was weeks ago, though. What happened between that and the divorce?

*

EVIDENCE #7

LIST OF POST-WEDDING WRONGDOING COMMITTED BY GRIAN AND SCAR, VARIOUS (condensed from two hours of court arguments)

i. “Well, then I took some deepslate from Grian because I needed it for Scarland, which is just borrowing, if you think about it.”

ii. “Scar really owed me diamonds because it was his fault the scam didn’t work.”

iii. Lengthy descriptions of the damage from ensuing weeks-long prank war.

iv. “He should honestly have expected me to put chickens in his storage system.”

v. Evidence received from Xisuma that this lagged out the entire server.

vi. Evidence received from Grian that Scarland lags out the entire server anyway and this is probably a crime so why can’t the court do something about that.

vii. Strong representations from both sides that the other one snores and hogs the covers and this probably ought to be a crime.

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: [face down on judicial bench] Have they stopped talking yet?

Court Scribe JoeHills: No, they’re still going.

*

EVIDENCE #8

FURTHER LIST OF WRONGDOINGS COMMITTED BY GRIAN AND SCAR

viii. “Yes I did blow him up after that, but it’s not illegal if it’s funny.”

ix. Complicated debate about whether ensuing sabotage was funny enough not to be illegal.

x. Representations from Grian that everything is Scar’s fault with absolutely no legal backing at all.

xi. Representations from Scar, ditto, with the addition of fake law he says his cat defense attorney told him.

xii. At this point, Court Scribe JoeHills has given up attempting to make sense of the petitioners’ ongoing argument.

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: Enough! ENOUGH! No! Shut up! If I have to listen to one more attempt at utterly specious reasoning from either of you I am going to pick up this gavel and I am going to drive its handle through my own skull. This is definitely both your fault, you are terrible people, and I hope you get divorced harder than anyone has ever got divorced in history.

[Mildly stunned silence in the court]

Judge Cleo: Right. Good. I am about to quit. But before I quit, because Joe asked me nicely to come here today, I am going to order one of you to serve the other with divorce papers before tomorrow. That’s the next thing on the list: one of you has to formally divorce the other. No, I am not going to hear any more arguments, I’m done with this whole thing, you can find a new judge. Yes, Scar?

Scar: [lowers his tentatively raised hand] How do we know which one divorces the other one?

Judge Cleo: [looks blank] Well… I suppose it’s who serves their papers first?

*

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: SCAR

Body of complaint: Grian wont accept divorce papers and keeps avoiding me.

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: GRIAN

Body of complaint: scar didn’t take a single copy of the papers despite the fact i filled his bedroom with them

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: SCAR

Body of complaint: Grian paid impulse to make a divorce paper printing redstone machine. It feels like this, should be Illegal!

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: GRIAN

Body of complaint: scar employed my best man to make him a rival printing machine. this is sabotage.

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: ZEDAPH

Body of complaint: Er, I know you’re doing a whole trial thingummy, but I would really like to be able to move around my base without swimming through mountains of divorce papers. Does it look like this is going to be possible any time in the near future?

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: DOCM77

Body of complaint: WHY HAVE SEVENTY THOUSAND BADLY-PRINTED COPIES OF DIVORCE PAPERS BEEN SHOVELED INTO THE PERIMETER! I AM HOLDING ALL OF YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE! I WILL RAIN DOWN FIRE AND BLOOD!

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 2:

Judge Mumbo: Right, so, apparently I’m supposed to be ruling on who served who with papers.

Scar: Excuse me! Objection! This new judge is clearly biased.

Grian: No, he’s not. This is all completely fine. Mumbo can be the judge now, and he can just wear a different hat when he’s being my lawyer.

Judge Mumbo: I am a bit biased, I have to admit.

Grian: No you’re not, Mumbo.

Scar: Admit it, there can’t be a fair trial for Grian under these circumstances!

Judge Mumbo: Uh—

Scar: Because I know Mumbo, and he can’t resist these…HoTgUy abs!

[Minor chaos as the court attempts to enforce a dress code]

Judge Mumbo: [removes his wig] Sorry, Grian, he’s right. Scar’s papers are accepted.

Grian: TRAITOR.

Mumbo: Scar, can I have another calendar?

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3:

Judge Ren: Court is called to order! Where’s—oh, there you are. Scar, you’re late.

Scar: Sorry! I was working on our honeymoon island.

Grian: What do you mean, our honeymoon island? Scar, we’re divorcing.

Scar: That doesn't mean you can just abandon a build, Grian. Some of us don't leave our backsides unfinished.

Cleo: Someone please get Ren a glass of water, I think he’s going to choke.

Judge Ren: Ahem. Now, gentlemen, I understand Scar is filing for divorce from Grian on the grounds of [checks his notes] desertion, abandonment, and unreasonable behavior.

Grian: Excuse me, what! If I’ve been unreasonable, what about him?

Scar: I have been a model of rationality and recti— rectic— ridiclitude.

Judge Ren: Indeed. I have heard Scar always finishes his backsides.

Grian: I’ll give you unreasonable behavior! This whole thing is your fault! If your bachelor party hadn’t been so badly defended I wouldn’t have been able to blow you all up.

Scar: Well, mister, if you hadn’t overthrown Ren in the first place he might have shown up to our wedding in spite of it!

Grian: If you’d been better at your job I wouldn’t have been ABLE to overthrow him!

Scar: You—you—oooh, I oughta—

Grian: [tauntingly] Ought to what?

Judge Ren: Scar, no, not in court…!

Scar: HOTGUY! [Retrieves bow from improbably small pocket and summarily murders his co-petitioner on the witness. Chaos ensues. Trial name hastily changed.]

TRANSCRIPT OF TRIAL PROCEEDINGS FOR THIRD-DEGREE MURDER, DAY 1:

Judge Ren: Listen, Scar, did you, or did you not, kill another petitioner right in front of me?

Scar: What? Oh, yeah, I just shot Grian.

Judge Ren: You can’t just—My dude, this might have been a crime of passion, but you understand this is a court and that was murder, right?

Cleo: Objection.

Judge Ren: Yes?

Cleo: We can’t start prosecuting for murder now.

[Pause as the court considers the comprehensive history of all Hermits present.]

TRANSCRIPT OF TRIAL PROCEEDINGS FOR THIRD-DEGREE MURDER, DAY 1

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3:

Judge Ren: [once Grian has returned from spawn] You’re going to have to come to some sort of agreement, gentlemen. It’s been days.

Grian: I think we should fight.

Judge Ren: This court does not do trial by combat. I refuse to be witness to such barbarity.

Cleo: I mean…if you think about it, it would stop them arguing.

Judge Ren: …

Judge Ren: I think I could stand to watch someone else compromise their morals. From a distance. Who wants this wig?

Judge Pearl: [settling in at the bench] Right! I think you two should fight. To the death.

Grian: LET’S FIGHT.

Judge Pearl: Riding ravagers.

Scar: What?

Judge Pearl: It would be funny.

Scar: Ravagers, though—

Grian: Don’t listen to Scar, he just murdered me. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Scar: Alright! Alright, we can fight, but I’m only doing it if it’s somewhere dramatic.

Grian: …What do you mean, dramatic?

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3 (CONTINUED):

[The court has moved proceedings from its custom-built courthouse to a location considered ‘acceptably dramatic’ by Petitioner Scar. We are now in the dim, cavernous monolith of the Royal Vault, where the walls are sheer deepslate lit only by flickering lanterns, and mountains of diamonds and chests gleam softly in the shadowed gloom. The court is gathered here to watch the petitioners fight symbolically over their own escrowed valuables, which are piled in the middle of a stone platform built by Grian and Pearl, and see a final conclusion to this bitterly-fought split. At either end of the platform are pens with two enraged ravagers donated by Tango, salivating at the buffet of violence and blood about to—]

Judge Pearl: [leans over the edge of her observation chair] Joe! What are you doing down there scribbling?

Court Scribe JoeHills: Oh, I’m just adding narrative color.

Judge Pearl: Well, stop doing that and pay attention to the fight! We’re about to start!

Bdubs: FIGHT!

Cub: Let’s go!

Mumbo: Grian, mate, you’ve got this.

Bdubs: RUN HIM THROUGH, SCAR. TEACH HIM TO MAKE FUN OF MY WEDDING DECORATIONS.

Doc: What happens if they both die? I would like them both to die.

Judge Pearl: Contestants! Mount your steeds!

Grian: [has succeeded in landing on his ravager’s back, something Scar has not yet managed] I want you to know, Scar, that whatever happens—

Judge Pearl: Scar! You can’t just stand there, you have to TRY to ride it.

Grian: —I think we can count this as a—

Bdubs: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Scar: [his head comes up to look at Grian] —a double victory?

[As if this is a code word, Grian and Scar’s gazes meet. The Court Scribe feels obliged to note that when Grian and Scar smile at the same time, history suggests something terrible is about to happen.]

Scar: Well, hello there, Mister Ravager! Would you like to get out of that pen?

Bdubs: Wait, what’s he—Scar, you ain’t supposed to break the wall that lets them at us! SABOTAGE!

Judge Pearl: GRIAN!

Grian: [shrieking as his ravager swerves into the crowd of spectators] Scar! The switch!

[Your trusty Court Scribe hurriedly dives out of the way as Scar flings himself into the pile of his and Grian’s valuables, where the tell-tale glint of redstone has been hidden under the piles of chests.]

Ren: Why do both of them have all those empty shulkers?

Cleo: Wait, wait, did we just give Grian and Scar unfettered access to all the diamonds in the vault?

Judge Pearl: WATCH OUT, THEY’VE HIDDEN TNT UNDER THE—

[Scar slams a switch. The world explodes. The Judge and most spectators are instantly blown up. The only survivors are your Court Scribe, who managed to get behind an obsidian pillar, and Cub, rising above the chaos on pre-equipped elytra wings with the philosophical serenity of someone who saw this coming.]

*

POSTSCRIPT

It’s a beautiful day, the sky is a clear and serene blue, and Grian and Scar have gotten away with everything.

Grian coasts joyfully ahead of Scar on outstretched wings, loaded down with boxes and boxes of ill-gotten diamonds, looping head-over-heels only when he can’t contain the energy bubbling through him. “We are the greatest, Scar. We are geniuses. We are the greatest geniuses who ever lived.”

“Oh, we are,” Scar agrees instantly. A lesser person might have pointed out their first plan failed spectacularly and their hasty second one only succeeded by luck, but this is why Grian married Scar specifically. Only he’s not married to Scar any more, is he? For one shining moment Grian had forgotten that.

The crater of the Royal Vault is far below and receding, the debris scattered like little jeweled toys. Grian is recalled to the present gleeful moment in which they are geniuses who have pulled the whole thing off and are richer than every other hermit put together. “Where are we going?”

“I was following you,” Scar says.

“I didn’t think this far ahead! I only planned up to the part where we stole everyone’s diamonds!”

“Oh, well, that’s easy,” Scar says confidently. “Change course to Honeymoon Island!”

Grian doesn’t have a good argument against that, and anyway, he’s too happy and diamond-dazzled to argue. Scar strikes out to the azure ocean and Grian dips into his wake and soars behind.

Scar has outdone himself, as usual. Honeymoon Island is just one long crescent-shaped beach with crystal seas, golden sands, palm trees, deck chairs, and—somehow—little iced coconut drinks that keep reappearing and each have a little paper umbrella. Naturally, Scar hasn’t thought of including a safe room for all their new valuables, so Grian has to dig out a makeshift bunker for all their ill-gotten gains, but when all that excitement is done, Grian throws himself onto a deckchair with a coconut drink and closes his eyes.

“So?” Scar says, in the expectant tone of someone who has spent three weeks fiddling with the palm trees that are currently casting an exquisitely-latticed shade over Grian’s eyelids, despite the fact they were technically divorcing all that time. “What do you think?”

“It is very pretty,” Grian admits grudgingly. “We can’t use it for a honeymoon, though. We’re divorced.”

“Are we divorced?” Scar is thoughtfully making origami out of his paper umbrella. “We did ditch them all before the trial officially finished.”

“Oh, we’re absolutely divorced. Super divorced.”

“I suppose you’re right. No honeymoon for us, then?”

An idyllic silence falls over the palm-fringed beach. The sea laps at the shining sands, creating a soft music from the shells and pebbles. The leaves rustle. This coconut drink in Grian’s hand is surprisingly good.

“Scar—”

“Hey, Grian—”

There is a pause.

“Go on,” Grian says impatiently.

“No, no, I think you should ask.”

“I asked last time!” This is ridiculous. It’s a shame Grian has been enchanted by the ridiculous for years now. “We’re probably not even talking about the same—”

Scar interrupts, which is rude, but unfortunately he’s picked his most golden and unfair voice, like the sea caressing the sand, and Grian is momentarily helpless. “Will you, Grian,” Scar says, “do me the great honor of marrying me? Again?”

Grian throws a paper umbrella at him. “Scar,” he says, “I thought you’d never ask.”

#This would make a great trend!

My little sister's new boyfriend got a tattoo for her about a month ago and he wanted matching tattoos so he decided to get uh. The tattoo on her ankle of her ex boyfriend's name that she hasn't gotten covered up yet

For future reference

a few of my favorite zines from Sprout. Highly recommend giving them a read

Tips on staying sane & calm while being arrested & sitting in a jail cell alone

Anarchist Survival Guide for Understanding Gestapo Swine Interrogation Mind Games

Counter-Info: A “How-To” Guide

Critical Thinking as Anarchist Weapon

Reading for Revolution

The Illegitimacy of Violence, the Violence of Legitimacy

Talking to the Media: A Guide for Anarchists

Consensus: A Brief Introductory Guide

Collectives: Anarchy Against The Mass

Class Struggle & Mental Health

Building: A DIY Guide to Creating Spaces, Hosting Events and Fostering Radical Communities

Anti-Mass: Methods of Organization for Collectives

Anarchism and the English Language

12 Things to do Instead of Calling the Cops

3 Positions Against Prison

Digital Security for Activists

Doxcare: Prevention and Aftercare for Those Targeted by Doxxing and Political Harassment

We Are Being Doxxed

The Invisible Ground, honoring each others security needs as an act of solidarity and liberation

An Activist’s Guide to Information Security

Reclaiming Our Ancient Wisdom

Anti-Fascism Against Machismo: Gender, Politics, and the Struggle Against Fascism

Resignation is Death

Uncivilized, A Primer on Civilization, Domestication, and Anarchy 

What Anarchists Have been Saying for Years, and What Liberals Need to Start Hearing

Good Manners and Affinity Groups

Let’s Talk: Feminist Communication

Hot Pantz: Do It Yourself Gynecology

It's stuff like this that made me join this website. #writingprompts

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

Hermitcraft au

DETROIT BECOME HERMITCRAFT (DBHC) AU MASTERPOST!

This is a list of all of the canon content for the au! Everything is Organized by Character, and then in each character section, the art is organized by the Chronological order in the narrative (not the order they were posted).

All of my content/Canon content (including ask responses that contain dbhc info) can be found in the #dbhc tag

All fanart can be found in the #dbhc fanart tag

All ficlets and other fan writing of the au can be found in the #dbhc fanfic tag

(I'll try to update this as we go, but lemme know if I've missed anything or if something's not linked correctly!)

GUIDE TO DBHC ANDROIDS

BDUBS AND ETHO

Bdubs thinks his android looks too formal

Put Me To Work Spotify Wrapped Doodle

Comic: Etho Deviates Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Etho waits for bdubs to return with parts

@saphushia' Comic: Bdubs carries Etho out of the cave

Comic: Etho almost bleeds out lol Part 1 | Part 2

@saphushia's Comic: Bdubs contemplates his dying machine

Comic: Etho Deviates Part 4

Comic: Bdubs realizes Etho’s Deviant Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Bdubs realizes Etho’s Deviant Fake Ending

How Etho mended the cracks in his shell

Destruction Spotify Wrapped Doodle

Etho Re-Deviates

Comic: Etho accidentally tries to sync with Bdubs’ hand Part1 | Part2

Pre-First Kiss Ficlet Doodle

Comic: Post-Relationship - Bdubs Apologizes Part 1 | Part 2

Other Etho Doodles (x)

DOC (And Ren and Xisuma!)

Ren has no idea what’s going on (Old Doc Design)

Comic: Doc informs Xisuma of Deviancy

IMPULSE (and Pearl!)

Pearl gives Impulse a new uniform

Strong boy :]

MUMBO (and Grian + Scar!)

The first dbhc post! Grian Pondering Android Mumbo

Scar and Grian BOTH Pondering Android Mumbo

Mumbo can’t kill things and Grian and Scar Don’t Realize It

Mumbo running around to build contraptions

Comic: Grian tells Mumbo to hack Doc

TANGO (and Zed!)

Introducing Tango!

Stream doodle of Tango and Zed

Android Tango makes a perfect Strider!

Double Life Ranchers - Tango's Rage

OTHER

How Ren/X/Bdubs react to Deviancy

Great idea!

#ROTTMNT #Trans Leo

Love this.

I have a hc that like. Splinter didn't realize Leo was female so he just raised them all as guys. Leo didn't know he was trans, in the sense that he didn't know he wasn't biologically male, until puberty. Turtles are oviparous. They'll consistently lay eggs even if they aren't fertilized lmao.

COMMISSION INFO

Hi, new to blogging, I am not a bot (apparently that's a huge problem here?)

Plz 🙏 don't block Me.

I can see Raph, Leo and mikey just hiding in the most OBVIOUS place e.g Raph putting a lampshade on his head.

Dornie just blatantly ignores his brothers laughing when he walks by to get a few hours of peace. LMAO

April: So, where are Raph, Leo and Mikey?

Donnie: We're playing hide and seek

April: So, they’re hiding?

Donnie: Yeah, I'll seek in a few hours.

I can see this happening in the show. 😂

ROTTMNT: Unbreakable Blue

*Leo and Mikey are in the middle of a Dr. Feelings session*

Mikey: Alright. Tell me Leo, how are you feeling?

Leo: Like I want to skateboard.

Mikey: Leo! I’m being serious! We need to get to the root of your troubles!

Leo: Hard to take you serious in that adorable outfit~

Mikey: Aw, thank you! No wait! This isn’t about me!

Leo: It isn’t?

Mikey: No! Because you struggle with stuff and I want to help you. So, you gotta tell me how you feel!

Leo: Alright… Well- I struggle..

Mikey: Yeah?

Leo: I struggled with..

Mikey: Go on?

Leo: Raph’s anxiety stank.

Mikey: *Sighs* We all do, Leo.

Leo: Aw, you wanna talk about it?

Saving 4 a friend

Sims 4 page on Steam. Not to be controversial but I think the CEO of EA should be beheaded for this

Okay seriously. Reblog if you're OLDER than 11.

How tf have I not heard of this

hey, whoever tells you transfem periods aren't a thing is a dirty liar and i'll gut them and feed them their own intestines