Stan Is The Only Member Of The Pines Twins^2 To Never Make A Deal With Bill And I Think He Needs More

— MARRIED FOR 24 HOURS, COMMITED FOR LIFE ! Crackfic / Gender neutral reader / Shitty writing / Multi-characters / Fluff

“Remember the time we got married for 24 hours..?”, they hummed in response, waiting for you to continue; “A part of me thinks.. that you didn’t think it was JUST 24 hours..” you paused for a moment, and then continued “You still wear the promise ring I got you, on your ring finger.. “ you let out a small chuckle, “I don’t know how to phrase this easily, but temporarily.. until the REAL THING happens.. I’m gonna need you to sign the divorce papers.” 

“Marriage is sacred.. Surely you don’t plan on breaking the sacred vows the two of us made and shared underneath those bright lights”, he continues on, phrases and misleading the crowd of onlookers until you give up.  — Riddle Rosehearts, Jamil Viper

He closens into you, a light chuckle leaving him as he does so; he leans in and grabs the paper from your hands. He tears and shreds the poor thing to pieces and lets out a chuckle. “Try and get rid of my dear, I anticipate how creative you can be..”  — Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech

"Have you ever been blackmailed love 🙂" — Trey Clover, Floyd Leech, Rook Hunt, Lilia Vanrouge

“HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THE CHILDREN” “YOUR LEAVING US? AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH” — Ruggie Bucchi, Cater Diamond, Idia Shroud (replace children with Ortho), Sebek Zigvolt

Grim hands him the divorce paper and he casually rips it apart; Grim hands him another one, “Don— Don't rip it—” tearing noises. “God damn it!”; Grim hands them four new copies of the divorce paper, and he rips them again. “Darling you're making this way more difficult than it should be” you said, trying to convince them to stop. “No, you’re making this difficult” 

Grim hands him another five packets of divorce papers, “We can do this all day” he said, but he ripped them apart again.. “You’re not going to go through with this are you..” you ask him; “No, but it’s funny seeing you try to divorce me”. Grim smashes another 15 packets onto the table, “DEUCE I’M GOING TO NEED 600 MORE COPIES OF DIVORCE PAPERS”  — Vil Schoenheit, Ace Trappola, Malleus Draconia, Leona Kingscholar

*Holding back tears* — Deuce Spade

Silence, dead silence, avoids your gaze and questions. — Silver, Jack Howl, Kalim Al-Asim, Epel Felmier

© cupids-chamber, do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work without prior permission and or confirmation.

Just a teacher leading his students to be the new generation of sorcerers ✨

Goodness.. look at all these chickens

Ko-Fi

𝐖𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐇 | masterlist

"There is no law that the gods must be fair, Achilles. Perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone?" —Chiron, TSOA by Madeline Miller

pairing: Satoru Gojo x fem!reader x Suguru Geto

After your city falls, you become a war price to the swift-footed Satoru Gojo, the strongest of the Greeks. You now have to adjust to your new position in a foreign camp, no longer as a princess of Lyrnessus, but as a symbol of Satoru Gojo's honour.

warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, heavy on the angst, mentions of war, blood, killing and fighting, major character death, mentions of pregnancy

tags: Satoru as Achilles, Suguru as Patroclus, reader as Briseis, plot with porn, threesome, greek gods and myths, f!reader, use of she/her pronouns, no use of y/n

wc: approximately 10k

status: coming soon

alba's note: this is a very loose retelling of the iliad! i took a bunch of liberties, hee hee, but i've always thought that satoru and suguru fit very well into the achilles/patroclus narrative, so i wanted to bring that to life!

this fic is inspired by madeline miller’s the song of achilles and pat barker’s the silence of the girls. both novels are amazing, and i highly recommend them! <3

MINORS, AGELESS AND BLANK BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT!

Chapter One — A New Existence

Chapter Two — Punishment of The Gods

Chapter Three — Satoru's Wrath

last updated 5 july 2024 | divider by cafekitsune

Thank god for Russian dash cams to bring us wonders like this

Babysitter AU where a Corduroy works for the Northwests but this ends up way better than the last time

One way or another this anemic emotionally fragile blonde child WILL be adopted into this lumberjack family

Hiiii! I saw your post about Genshin boys with Kanao!reader. IT!IS!BEAUTIFUL!!!✨AMAZING✨ soooo may I please request HC with Shinobu!reader(personality,story,skills) for Childe and Zhongli, if it’s possible? Yandere or not, it doesn’t really matter ahah I just like the way you write 🥺🥺🥺💔

Yandere Childe and Zhongli with a Shinobu!Reader

tw; yandere content. mentions of death. mentions of killing. spoilers for Shinobu's story.

genre; headcanons/scenarios

characters; Tartaglia(Childe), Zhongli

scenario; Everyday life in Liyue with two men obsessed pining for you.

an; you like the way I write? omg, thank you! I actually had the same idea a few days ago, but I threw it out the window not literally. I also didn't include the story of Shinobu because it doesn't fit quite well in the game. reader here is gender-neutral, no pronouns mentioned. reader originally came from Inazuma, ran away from their home. the reader got a vision of when their sister was murdered. I may have got carried away - THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT.

Personality;

For all we know, Shinobu was once a hot-headed woman before her sister, Kanae died in a mission, at the hands of a demon. Kanae told her younger sister to quit the corps and live a normal life, but she swore vengeance for her older sister. Shinobu took the personality of her being giddy, always smiling, being gentle, from her deceased sister, Kanae. She's also rather sadistic and would give her enemies a quick death, sometimes, she would also torture her enemies.

She also hides her anger through the facade of her sister.

History;

Shinobu was born as the youngest daughter within the Kocho household, living alongside her mother, father, and older sister Kanae Kocho. She was raised in a loving and caring household until her parents were slaughtered by Demons right before her and her sister's eyes.

Just when the Demon was about to take the lives of her and her sister as well, they were saved by the Hashira, Gyomei Himejima, who slew the Demon. Now more determined as a result of the pain and suffering they endured, Shinobu and Kanae both promised to become Demon Slayers to protect each other, as well as prevent other people from enduring the same losses they had to experience. Eventually, after managing to move a boulder, they convinced Himejima to introduce them to a cultivator.

Later in her life, while accompanying her sister Kanae on a trip, the sisters encountered a young girl being led away as a slave on a bridge. Intrigued by her, Kanae took an interest and decided to take the girl back to the Butterfly Estate, against Shinobu's initial wishes. They eventually purchased the girl, named Kanao Tsuyuri, from her master and trained her within the Butterfly Estate to become the next Tsuguko.

Skill(s);

Shinobu is rather skilled with the way of the sword, her style would consist of thrusting attacks since she has a lack strength in arms due to her small stature. Since she can't behead demons, she uses wisteria poison as her weapon against demons. The "stinger" is designed for the injection of Wisteria poisons into Demons. Shinobu has become extremely proficient in the use of her combat style due to it being suited to her needs and abilities, which played a major role in her strength as a Hashira.

That being said, she's also rather skilled in medical expertise. Despite not being as combat talented as the rest of her fellow hashira, she displays immense skill and mastery over pharmaceutical fields to make up for her lack of natural-born combat abilities, being highly knowledgable about how to create various poisons and venoms using Wisteria flowers.

She is capable of killing opponents within seconds and even manages to create a poison strong enough to drastically weaken Doma, the second strongest Demon of the Twelve Kizuki.

Tartaglia/Childe

Douma and Shinobu 2.0

You literally hate this guy with your whole being. And you avoid this guy every time you meet.

Childe often visits you in Bubu Pharmacy which is where your job is since you fled from Inazuma.

When you first arrived in Liyue, the first thing in your mind to do was to find a stable job, a home to stay in and find a way to kill the Fatui who killed your sister.

You explored the city a little more until you saw the pharmacy, it brought a smile to your face. Who knew that the city of Liyue has a pharmacy?

So, the first thing you did is talk to the reception, and ask who the owner is. The person told you to wait, for a person named, "Baizhu". And so you did.

You waited until you saw a man in green hair, with a white snake on his shoulder rests. It reminded you of someone with the same snake.

He asked you if you know about medicinal practices, and you answered with a yes and proof of 5 years of practice and medicines in your bag.

He was astounded, from the look on his face, and hired you to work at the pharmacy. He showed you around, in his storage rooms, and introducing Qiqi to you. You surprisingly took of it well, despite having a zombie right before you.

He also asked you if you have somewhere to stay, it shocked you, someway, and you shook your head slightly. He somehow has a place for you to stay, and you accepted his offer.

From then on, you're a worker at the Bubu Pharmacy.

Back to the Fatui-

He always visits you. Every day, every night, at a certain time, when he's done after work.

When he's at work, you're in relief that he is away while you can still run errands and deliver medicine all throughout Liyue. While on the other hand, he misses you greatly and wants to be near you. He assigns some of his people to keep an eye on you, for his sake. None of them questions him why.

When he doesn't have any work, this boy will be in the pharmacy, there constantly to annoy you (at least that's what you think).

But the true meaning of his actions is that he's keeping an eye on you. Constantly thinking of how attractive you are of how great you are at doing your job.

It irks you a lot since you are starting to think that he's creepy when those ocean blue eyes stare at you 24/7. A lot of people get scared by him since he's there and scared of the aura you're emitting despite the gentle smile on your lips.

When someone talks at you and looks at you in the eyes, he'll glare at them until they leave, or when you look at him. He might kill them if he feels like it. And then tomorrow morning, news that a body has been found dead. You will feel some guilt over your shoulder. Didn’t you just met this man yesterday?

When you do errands/tasks in the city, he'll go with you, and maybe ask you to have lunch with him at the Wanmin Restaurant after you're done with it. In which sometimes you decline, and sometimes you accept. Though even you decline he won't take no for an answer, he'll drag you with him.

If you do errands out of the city and goes in the wild, he's ready to guard you and defend you. In which you insist on going alone, and finishing the task by yourself. He accepts defeat, but one time, you ran into a hillichurl camp and defeats them with ease, noticing an arrow behind a Mitachurl's back. Was someone following you? It made your skin shiver in fear. You immediately run to the location where the patient is and gives the treatment, give them a prescription given by Baizhu, takes the Mora pouch, and sprint back to Liyue, not noticing someone following you. The patient was utterly confused about how hastily you gave them the medicine, and take the Mora from them.

You're a little paranoid when you're alone, you hate it. You hate that it makes you scared, it makes you feel weak. You release the anger in clearing a camp at night, not caring about the blood on your blade after you've massacred the Hillichurls. Still have the feeling of someone watching you, you quickly went home, washed your clothes, changing to your bedtime attire, cleaned your sword clean, ate dinner, you head to bed not noticing the silhouette right before your window.

He'll ask how you got your Vision, and you say that you got it on the day your sister died. He immediately regrets it, and engulfs you in a warm hug, saying that he's sorry for asking and he shouldn't have. You felt a warmth that you haven't felt before, so you returned the hug.

When you returned the gesture of embracing him back, he's shocked, you returned his hug, he's LIVID on the inside, oh how happy he is to feel your embrace, how happy to smell your beautiful scent, while also knows your pain because he has siblings too. He'll be damned if anything happened to his brothers and sisters. He's also a little mad, seeing you cry breaks his heart, how could they do that to you and your sibling?

He then asks you who killed your sister, you're a bit skeptical about telling him who killed your sister since you know that this man is a Fatui Harbinger. If you then tell him, he's going to be extremely mad, and will, find out who it is, and murder them in cold blood. The next morning, he'll bring you a severed finger, telling you that this is the finger of the man who murdered your sister. You then proceed to burn the finger, he'll ask you why you incinerated it, you then tell him; "Every part of him deserves to burn in hell."

If you don't tell him, then that's fine, he knows that it's hard to speak when you're frustrated on describing who the murderer is, he'll be there to comfort you, and pamper you. He'll take care of you himself.

He also will constantly ask you out on a date with him in which you politely decline, and you reason that you're busy, and says that you should take a break once in a while. It's unhealthy to overexert yourself.

If you keep declining him, he'll snap and will kidnap you and keep you to himself, all his, his only darling. And you being sadistic, you'll throw insults here and there, while you keep your facade and resisting the urge to shout at him maybe threaten to kill him and gouge his eyes out, or poison him. But he sees those little threats as empty or not life-threatening. Even if it is. Maybe he'll keep you as his spouse if you behave well. He'll make you depend on him, even on getting stuff at the tallest cupboard, he'll do it for you. He would absolutely buy anything for you to make you stay with him and love him.

Trying to escape is not a good decision, if he caught you trying to destroy the lock or the door, he'll add more locks, and will probably hide the keys, somewhere you couldn't reach.

If you accepted on going out with him, he'll happily smile, and tell you he has reserved the whole Xinyue Kiosk at dusk. While you were in agape, of how rich is this guy is. He reserved the whole restaurant for his darling. He'll stare at you the whole time while you both wait for the food, feeling uneasy by his lovesick stare. When the food arrives, he'll be nervous, he doesn't know how to use chopsticks. You'll laugh at him for not mastering using the chopsticks, and will constantly tease him for using a spoon and fork, you teased said that; "Maybe you should use the training ones, you big baby~." His face was flustered, but it doesn't mean that he won't tease you back, only to make you blush. You both will try to make each other blush, seeing it as a competition to you both.

When both of you are done eating, he'll drag you to all the shops, buy you clothes, accessories, flowers, anything really. He's rich, why should he worry for Mora? You'll make his pockets hurt because you want to see the dread in his face. But instead of the fearful look of losing Mora, he has the face of an infatuated puppy, wagging its tail excitingly.

After the date, he'll ask if you had fun, and insisting on taking you home. You can't deny that this man isn't a handsome attractive one, and his pretty face sometimes annoys the hell out of you. If you caught feelings for him, you'll NEVER admit it that you caught feelings with a Fatui and will constantly deny it, but if you do admit it, you kiss him in the check or give him a quick lip on the lips, and you hastily say goodnight and run quickly inside your settlement, while he's standing there jaw on the floor, trying to process in his mind what just happened. Does that mean you love him?

This man will return to his place happily he will not sleep constantly remembering the feeling of your delightful lips making contact with his skin and will always remember it, maybe he'll boast it to his friend, Mr. Zhongli tomorrow morning, and visit you at the Bubu Pharmacy.

All of his plans are working, all he has to do is ask for you to be his, not that you're not his in the first place anyways.

You're going to be his, soon enough.

Zhongli

This man is a gentleman, no doubt.

It was just another day in Bubu Pharmacy, you there just stacking up types of powders, concoctions, herbs, medicines, etc.

Until you heard the sounds of footsteps approaching, you turn around gracefully to see a pair of amber eyes, staring at you. It took your breath away, from how just beautiful those eyes we're, and how they seem to slightly glow. Just who is this man?

Your train of thoughts got interrupted by a voice calling out to you.

The man seemed to need to get painkillers, according to the prescription signed by the owner of the Bubu Pharmacy.

When you asked for who it is for, he just said; "It is not for me, rather it is for an old friend."

How thoughtful for a man to help a friend. You thought. You don't expect a man who looks busy with his work to help a friend.

You then went to grab the right amount of painkillers and packaged it inside a small paper bag. You then handed out the paper bag with one hand smiling, thanking the man for making a purchase at the pharmacy, your eyes widened in surprise, and your lips suddenly stopped speaking when you felt his touch, it made your skin tingle. The man looks at you in concern, asking if you're alright, you slowly looked up and reasoned that you're feeling fine, just a little tired.

The man then recommends for you to rest easy at night, for you to stop overworking your body, you just shrugged it off to saying; "I know how to take care myself, Mister...?" You trailed off with a questioning tone, simply asking what his name is.

He introduced himself as Zhongli, a consultant in Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

There's a funeral parlor in Liyue? You blinked twice in surprise, and the man chuckled at your shocked expression, at the new discovery.

He then gives you a pamphlet that Hu Tao would always ask her to give out to the people of Liyue, which they would sometimes refuse.

It started off just like that, sometimes you two would meet when you ran errands for Baizhu or when a person would need medical assistance in far more places.

It then turned to a daily meeting at the streets of Liyue, it's inevitable to meet the gentleman when he buys expensive things, or when he haves lunches with the Fatui Harbinger, or when he visits you in the pharmacy, reminding you to rest, and eat healthily, but delicious and filling meal, three times a day.

If you are free, and you're doing nothing, he'll invite you to drink tea and reminisce about things in life. He then asks you when did you get your vision, you say that you got your vision when your sister died. He'll say sorry for bringing the topic up, but you'll just shrug it off, but your grip on the cup says otherwise, you're not angry at him, you're angry at the murderer.

He doesn't need to know who murdered your sister, he's a god, a divine being, he knows who it is. On the next day, many people were gathered around a seemingly, pit where blood splattered, and a body, unrecognizable, crushed.

He'll court you like a normal person, he'll bring you your favorite flowers, and sometimes accessories, clothing. You'll ask what's the prices of these things, but he'll avoid the question smoothly by telling you the texture or what materials were used, to make it.

You'll just be more irked, but you're too annoyed to push the topic so you gladly accept the gifts, even though you think that you look greedy in his eyes.

He'll ask you out to lunch/dinner one time, he says that; "Food tastes good with company, don't you think so?" He's not wrong, after your sister's burial, your food seems to taste much more dull and boring, even though it tasted quite good.

If you accept, he'll be happy, of course. He's been waiting for you to come and dine with him at Xinyue Kiosk or at the Wanmin Restaurant since the first time he has laid his eyes on you.

This time Zhongli didn't forget his mora, the worker at the restaurant, was so shocked, they looked like they saw a ghost.

If you decline, that would only fuel his desire for you. Playing hard to get? He'll only get his resolve and desire stronger on making you his, and his only. The dragon keeps his treasure only to himself. Kidnapping you is his last resort, or tie you with him by a contract with you being unaware of it. But he’s a gentleman, he would never do something that’s not consented or unwillingly.

After lunch/dinner(if you accepted), he asks you if he could walk you home, you can handle yourself going home, but you somehow crave company, you complied. The walk on the way home was sluggish, yet it was relaxing, the lights of the lantern that's been hanging around Liyue, are definitely beautiful at dusk, it's a bit nostalgic, it's just how you and your sister walks through the streets of Inazuma once, after a delicious food you ate at Uyuu restaurant.

If he had won your heart and favor, you'll give him a peck on his cheeks or in his lips, then you quickly scurry off, embarrassed by what did you do, inside your home.

He'll stand there momentarily, the sides of his lips tugged upwards. He's getting into your heart, he's glad. Once he gets into your heart, he'll steal it, then take care of you, like a true treasure should. Maybe he'll mark you as his if you accept his feelings. Then he will continue to cherish you and keep you to himself, only.

No one can steal from the fearsome dragon.

chilchucks dicks six inches cuz he's a half-foot.

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

“Great Sage Equal to Heaven gets his ass beat by beloved Howling Celestial Dog”